I've had a reoccuring dream for at least 10 years now. I would say I have it about once a year. In it, I am in the halls of my high school, but I can't walk. My legs don't work. I kind of drag myself through the halls, trying to keep up with people (and not get stepped on. lol)
Last night I had a new dream, with the same theme. In this dream I was in a house (no clue who's house it was) and I could walk, but sometimes my legs would give out on me and I would fall to the floor and not be able to stand up. In this dream, I had someone who would help me try to stand up (don't remember who it was. I don't think it was anyone I knew) but as the dream went on, it got harder and harder for me to walk. My legs were hardly working at all. This friend and I went to a shoe store to try and get me some different shoes, but the only pair I tried on made the pain worse. And they were really ugly. Heh.
Stealing from Arkie, I went to dreammoods.com to research the dream I had last night. It says
To dream that you legs are wounded or crippled, signifies a lack of balance, autonomy, or independence in your life. You may be unable or unwilling to stand up for yourself. Perhaps you are lacking courage and refuse to make a stand.
Which is pretty true, actually. I think maybe in this dream I was able to stand up sometimes because I have been trying for the past year or so to stand up for myself more and not be a doormat. I'm more willing to speak my opinions and tell someone if I am upset. So maybe this dream interpretation stuff isn't just a bunch of mumbo jumbo. Too bad I didn't have any cool lesbian sex dreams though. *grin*
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Question...
Are the boards insanely slow for everyone else, or is it this new version of IE that I installed that is messing everything up?
Grrrr.
I really have nothing to update about. I'm sure I could think of something, but I don't feel like thinking. :)
Grrrr.
I really have nothing to update about. I'm sure I could think of something, but I don't feel like thinking. :)
Monday, January 08, 2007
Stupid things make me smile
Alternate title: Good God, I'm a pathetic dork
So down there *points down* I wrote about my new favorite show It Takes a Thief, and my crush on the host, Matt. I sat down to watch the episode I taped today from today and upon my first glance at Matt, I squealed and said "That's my shirt!" I don't know why it thrilled me so much to own the same shirt as him, but it did (see 1st sentence).
A pic of me, wearing said shirt:
I think I have a new favorite shirt. *dork grin* Oh, and we also both wear it with a long sleeved shirt underneath. I usually sport the grey, and Matt was wearing a navy shirt. Navy? Totally does not go with the shirt. I don't know what the wardrobe people were thinking. LOL.
PS- It is a mens shirt from Old Navy. Matt does not wear womens clothes. That I know of.
This? was a really lame update. I'm almost embarrassed to post it. Heh.
So down there *points down* I wrote about my new favorite show It Takes a Thief, and my crush on the host, Matt. I sat down to watch the episode I taped today from today and upon my first glance at Matt, I squealed and said "That's my shirt!" I don't know why it thrilled me so much to own the same shirt as him, but it did (see 1st sentence).
A pic of me, wearing said shirt:
I think I have a new favorite shirt. *dork grin* Oh, and we also both wear it with a long sleeved shirt underneath. I usually sport the grey, and Matt was wearing a navy shirt. Navy? Totally does not go with the shirt. I don't know what the wardrobe people were thinking. LOL.
PS- It is a mens shirt from Old Navy. Matt does not wear womens clothes. That I know of.
This? was a really lame update. I'm almost embarrassed to post it. Heh.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Vrooooooooom
I got a new car on Saturday.
It's a 2007 Honda Accord. This car wasn't even on my list of cars I was considering because I thought it was way out of my price range. I went to the Honda dealership to drive the Civic, which I absolutely LOVED. But my salesman told me that they didn't really have any deals going on the Civic, and that I could get the Accord (bigger car, more features) for the same price or less than what I could lease the Civic for. I drove the Accord, and liked it, although I wasn't as excited about it as I was about the Civic. I had him run numbers on both cars, and the Accord turned out to be a deal too good to pass up. It is a little bit more than I was hoping to pay, but I had already looked at all my other top contenders and I wasn't too impressed with any of them, so I went for it. I don't know if it's the depression, or if it's because with all the fees I had to pay up front I am now completely and totally broke (my checking account is now in negative numbers and I don't get paid for another 2 weeks) but I am not as excited as I know I should be. I think it's probably the money issue. I was doing good for a while there, had some extra cash, and now it's all gone. Plus, I still have to pay $500 to get my current car fixed before I turn it in. That will have to go on my credit card, which I was just starting to pay off. *sigh* Oh, and I'll have to put groceries on my credit card, too. Meh. Whatever. I'm sure I'll be fine. My mom is going to lend me some money so that my checks don't bounce.
But back to the car. It is a light slate blue color. Very pretty. I love the color muchly. My other favorite feature is the 6 disc cd changer. And it has radio controls on the steering wheel, which I think is cool. The only thing that I didn't get that I wanted is a sunroof. Not a really big deal though. The ride is really smooth and it's fun to drive. I think I will be happy with this car.
In other news, I went out yesterday with my sis, BIL and Tate and we saw Happy Feet at the theater. None of us really enjoyed it. It was just strange and the penguins were really creepy looking and the story line wasn't that good. It seemed to drag on for.ever. After that we went back to their house and ordered pizza and played with Tate. I went home around 10:30, watched a little of the New Years specials, cried at midnight, then watched dvds of How I Met Your Mother until 5am.
I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. *pout*
It's a 2007 Honda Accord. This car wasn't even on my list of cars I was considering because I thought it was way out of my price range. I went to the Honda dealership to drive the Civic, which I absolutely LOVED. But my salesman told me that they didn't really have any deals going on the Civic, and that I could get the Accord (bigger car, more features) for the same price or less than what I could lease the Civic for. I drove the Accord, and liked it, although I wasn't as excited about it as I was about the Civic. I had him run numbers on both cars, and the Accord turned out to be a deal too good to pass up. It is a little bit more than I was hoping to pay, but I had already looked at all my other top contenders and I wasn't too impressed with any of them, so I went for it. I don't know if it's the depression, or if it's because with all the fees I had to pay up front I am now completely and totally broke (my checking account is now in negative numbers and I don't get paid for another 2 weeks) but I am not as excited as I know I should be. I think it's probably the money issue. I was doing good for a while there, had some extra cash, and now it's all gone. Plus, I still have to pay $500 to get my current car fixed before I turn it in. That will have to go on my credit card, which I was just starting to pay off. *sigh* Oh, and I'll have to put groceries on my credit card, too. Meh. Whatever. I'm sure I'll be fine. My mom is going to lend me some money so that my checks don't bounce.
But back to the car. It is a light slate blue color. Very pretty. I love the color muchly. My other favorite feature is the 6 disc cd changer. And it has radio controls on the steering wheel, which I think is cool. The only thing that I didn't get that I wanted is a sunroof. Not a really big deal though. The ride is really smooth and it's fun to drive. I think I will be happy with this car.
In other news, I went out yesterday with my sis, BIL and Tate and we saw Happy Feet at the theater. None of us really enjoyed it. It was just strange and the penguins were really creepy looking and the story line wasn't that good. It seemed to drag on for.ever. After that we went back to their house and ordered pizza and played with Tate. I went home around 10:30, watched a little of the New Years specials, cried at midnight, then watched dvds of How I Met Your Mother until 5am.
I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. *pout*
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Drugs, Take 2 & My new favorite show
I just had my follow-up visit with the doctor. I told her that the Zoloft was not helping at all, and for the most part actually making things worse. I'm pretty much a zombie these days (and not a cool, hilarious zombie like Zombs). I spend a lot of time staring off into space, and I just feel sort of numb. So anyway, she gave me a new medicine to try. I hope I don't have a lot of side effects with this one, and I hope it actually works.
On a completely unrelated note, do any of you watch the show "It Takes A Thief"? OMG, I found this show several weeks ago and I am completely obsessed with it now. It's on the Discovery Channel, and it's these 2 guys who used to be burglars, Matt is the host and Jon does the actual break-ins, and they go around and rob people's homes (with their permission, of course) and then afterwards they give them brand new security systems and stuff. I am fascinated by this. I actually root for the burglar! LOL. He is awesome though. He just pulls some stunts where you're like "No way did he just do that!" 2 of my favorite examples of this are 1) when he broke into a police station and actually ended up locking the dispatcher out of the building, and 2) when he stole a Jaguar with the owners about 100 feet away. He's such a badass. *grin*
Oh, and did I mention that they are both super hot? Not that that has anything to do with why I watch the show. *cough*
Matt (left) and Jon. Not the best pic, but the only decent one I could find of them together.
I am in lurve with Matt. He's really funny on the show, and last week I found his blog where he writes quite frequently. He just seems like a really cool, smart, fun guy, and he is a very talented writer as well.
Ok, since I've rambled on I might as well go a step further. Heh. On his blog he just posted a pic of him and his brand new nephew. (I whited out baby's face. heh.)
Super, super cute. *sigh* What is it about men and babies that makes me all gushy? Anyway, I posted a comment to his blog and I said "My ovaries just melted." *snort* I thought it was funny, but after I posted it I thought maybe it was gross or weird. What do you think? Do you have to know my stupid sense of humor to think it's funny?
In closing, I highly recommend that you watch this show. It is on daily at 6pm eastern. I've actually started taping it because I don't get home until around 6:10 and I hate to miss any of it. :)
On a completely unrelated note, do any of you watch the show "It Takes A Thief"? OMG, I found this show several weeks ago and I am completely obsessed with it now. It's on the Discovery Channel, and it's these 2 guys who used to be burglars, Matt is the host and Jon does the actual break-ins, and they go around and rob people's homes (with their permission, of course) and then afterwards they give them brand new security systems and stuff. I am fascinated by this. I actually root for the burglar! LOL. He is awesome though. He just pulls some stunts where you're like "No way did he just do that!" 2 of my favorite examples of this are 1) when he broke into a police station and actually ended up locking the dispatcher out of the building, and 2) when he stole a Jaguar with the owners about 100 feet away. He's such a badass. *grin*
Oh, and did I mention that they are both super hot? Not that that has anything to do with why I watch the show. *cough*
Matt (left) and Jon. Not the best pic, but the only decent one I could find of them together.
I am in lurve with Matt. He's really funny on the show, and last week I found his blog where he writes quite frequently. He just seems like a really cool, smart, fun guy, and he is a very talented writer as well.
Ok, since I've rambled on I might as well go a step further. Heh. On his blog he just posted a pic of him and his brand new nephew. (I whited out baby's face. heh.)
Super, super cute. *sigh* What is it about men and babies that makes me all gushy? Anyway, I posted a comment to his blog and I said "My ovaries just melted." *snort* I thought it was funny, but after I posted it I thought maybe it was gross or weird. What do you think? Do you have to know my stupid sense of humor to think it's funny?
In closing, I highly recommend that you watch this show. It is on daily at 6pm eastern. I've actually started taping it because I don't get home until around 6:10 and I hate to miss any of it. :)
Friday, December 22, 2006
*giggle*
My boss gave me this card and I thought it was cute, so I decided to share it with you guys. :)
He took us out for a yummy lunch too. I was skeptical at first because we went to this Italian place in a strip mall. Yes, I said strip mall. Heh. But inside it was really nice and they had a wide variety of food; pasta, seafood, chicken, pizza, burgers, etc. I stepped outside of my burger comfort zone and ordered Chicken Saltimbucca. It is "chicken layered with prosciutto and asiago cheese, sauteed and then braised in white wine and sprinkled with sage. Served with a side of spaghetti." I was a little hesitant to try it at first because it had this ugly brown sauce drizzled all over it (uh. shouldn't white wine be white?) and the first bite wasn't too good, but the more I ate the more I got used to it. The spaghetti was good. :) Then we ordered dessert. Mmmm. There was a choice of several different cheesecakes (cheesepies, as I like to call them) which is usually what I would have gone for, but I was feeling daring today so I ordered something I have always wanted to try. Creme brulee. Mmmm. It was very yummy. I scarfed the whole thing down in no time. *grin* I always thought creme brulee was a warm dessert (I guess because I've seen people using the blowtorch on it) so I was surprised and pleased when I bit in and it was slightly chilled. Me likey creme brulee. *grin*
He took us out for a yummy lunch too. I was skeptical at first because we went to this Italian place in a strip mall. Yes, I said strip mall. Heh. But inside it was really nice and they had a wide variety of food; pasta, seafood, chicken, pizza, burgers, etc. I stepped outside of my burger comfort zone and ordered Chicken Saltimbucca. It is "chicken layered with prosciutto and asiago cheese, sauteed and then braised in white wine and sprinkled with sage. Served with a side of spaghetti." I was a little hesitant to try it at first because it had this ugly brown sauce drizzled all over it (uh. shouldn't white wine be white?) and the first bite wasn't too good, but the more I ate the more I got used to it. The spaghetti was good. :) Then we ordered dessert. Mmmm. There was a choice of several different cheesecakes (cheesepies, as I like to call them) which is usually what I would have gone for, but I was feeling daring today so I ordered something I have always wanted to try. Creme brulee. Mmmm. It was very yummy. I scarfed the whole thing down in no time. *grin* I always thought creme brulee was a warm dessert (I guess because I've seen people using the blowtorch on it) so I was surprised and pleased when I bit in and it was slightly chilled. Me likey creme brulee. *grin*
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Archives
Tonight I was looking for a meme that I had done a long time ago, but I got sidetracked by reading a bunch of my old archives. They made me sad. (sadder.) I used to blog about much more fun/lighthearted stuff... not about how depressed I am. Reading some of my archives was like reading the writings of a totally different person. I guess I hid my depression better back in the day. Or I'm just really at a low point now. This medicine is not helping . Yet. I know it takes a while for it to take full effect, but for the most part on a daily basis it is making me feel worse. I've missed 3 days of work since I stared this medicine 10 days ago. I just couldn't get out of bed. I sit in a numb, lifeless state and am so exhausted that I can barely move.
Ugh. Fuck! There I go again, rambling about my depression. I hate being like this.
I thank all of you who have continued reading and supporting me through this dark period of my life. I hope I can be a happier and more interesting person in the future. I know that it can be tiring to read such doom and gloom over and over again. Believe me, it's tiring for me to write it, but I feel like it's better to get it off my chest rather than hold it all inside like I've done for most of my life. This blog is my outlet. In here, I write what I don't say out loud. I never dreamed when I made it public that I would share so much personal stuff, but I have become comfortable enough with all of you to share what I am truly feeling. I think sometimes it would be better if I just pretended to be happy. *shrug*
Anyway, I want to wish you all Happy Holidays, in case I'm not around. I love you all!
*hugs*
Ugh. Fuck! There I go again, rambling about my depression. I hate being like this.
I thank all of you who have continued reading and supporting me through this dark period of my life. I hope I can be a happier and more interesting person in the future. I know that it can be tiring to read such doom and gloom over and over again. Believe me, it's tiring for me to write it, but I feel like it's better to get it off my chest rather than hold it all inside like I've done for most of my life. This blog is my outlet. In here, I write what I don't say out loud. I never dreamed when I made it public that I would share so much personal stuff, but I have become comfortable enough with all of you to share what I am truly feeling. I think sometimes it would be better if I just pretended to be happy. *shrug*
Anyway, I want to wish you all Happy Holidays, in case I'm not around. I love you all!
*hugs*
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Good day
Today was the first really good day I've had in several weeks. I've been so depressed and tired lately. I went to the doctor last week and got some meds, but they have been giving me some awful side effects and I've just been really down and out. But today I woke up feeling pretty good. Maybe it was because I knew I had something to look forward to. Me and my friend Tracy had plans to go out and do some final Christmas shopping, and then go to dinner.
She came over around 5 and gave me a gift (even though we said we weren't exchanging gifts *whacks Tracy*). She got me some Peppermint martini mix and a bottle of vodka and a pear scented candle. I mixed up a martini before we left so we could see what it tasted like. Pretty good. Not something you can drink a lot of, but it was good. So off we went to the mall, where we hit several stores. I had more luck finding stuff than Tracy did, mostly because I knew exactly what I was looking for and she didn't. Considering how much I absolutely loathe the mall, it wasn't too bad. There was a ton of people, but overall it was ok.
Then we went to Target where I spent a bunch of money on the rest of the gifts I needed. Tracy still hadn't found a gift for her dad, so she wanted to go to Borders, where she got him a book on the Steelers *waves to Glow*.
After our whirlwind shopping spree we were both starving so we went to Applebees. I had a quesadilla burger and a huge glass of sangria. Yummy. That was the first time I've actually had sangria.
And now I'm at home, relaxing, about to watch season 1 of The Office on dvd. I feel very relieved that I have all of my Christmas shopping done (except for a few gift cards I have to buy when I go to the grocery store next week) and I feel good about the gifts I bought everyone. Because of the bonus money I got last month I was able to buy more for people than I usually do and that feels good.
Tomorrow I think I'll just be hanging around the house, wrapping presents and resting. Oh, and I have to burn a couple cds that Tracy asked me for.
I hope you're all having a good weekend! *smooches*
She came over around 5 and gave me a gift (even though we said we weren't exchanging gifts *whacks Tracy*). She got me some Peppermint martini mix and a bottle of vodka and a pear scented candle. I mixed up a martini before we left so we could see what it tasted like. Pretty good. Not something you can drink a lot of, but it was good. So off we went to the mall, where we hit several stores. I had more luck finding stuff than Tracy did, mostly because I knew exactly what I was looking for and she didn't. Considering how much I absolutely loathe the mall, it wasn't too bad. There was a ton of people, but overall it was ok.
Then we went to Target where I spent a bunch of money on the rest of the gifts I needed. Tracy still hadn't found a gift for her dad, so she wanted to go to Borders, where she got him a book on the Steelers *waves to Glow*.
After our whirlwind shopping spree we were both starving so we went to Applebees. I had a quesadilla burger and a huge glass of sangria. Yummy. That was the first time I've actually had sangria.
And now I'm at home, relaxing, about to watch season 1 of The Office on dvd. I feel very relieved that I have all of my Christmas shopping done (except for a few gift cards I have to buy when I go to the grocery store next week) and I feel good about the gifts I bought everyone. Because of the bonus money I got last month I was able to buy more for people than I usually do and that feels good.
Tomorrow I think I'll just be hanging around the house, wrapping presents and resting. Oh, and I have to burn a couple cds that Tracy asked me for.
I hope you're all having a good weekend! *smooches*
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Holy brain fart
I had to stop and get gas on the way home. The most convenient station is really tiny and kind of hard to navigate if it's crowded, which it was. So, I pulled in and took a quick trip around the lot to scope out my options, and then I pulled up to a pump. I went to get out and realized that I had pulled up on the wrong side. Uh, duh. I think that's the first time I've ever done that. It's usually 2nd nature to realize that my gas door is on the driver's side. I didn't think the hose would reach, so I pulled out and took another trip around the lot, looking for open pumps that would be on the right side. Oh! There's one! But the turn is too tight and I can't make it, so I have to reverse and try to manuever into it. Pull up to the pump. Wrong Fucking Side Again. WTF?? I swear someone must have sucked my brains out without my knowledge. By this time I was mortified that I was circling this lot like a moron and pulling up to the wrong pumps, so I just left and went to a gas station down the street. LOL. What a fucking dork. :D
*waits for other people to tell me they've done this, so I don't feel like a complete loser*
Oh, and then when I was pulling on to my street I noticed that this little beverage store at the corner where I went a lot to pick up beer or alcohol was shut down. All the shelves were empty. Bummer!
On a positive note, I looooooove my new laptop. It makes everything so much easier. (I think I've blogged every day for the past 3 days. That might be a record for me. The laptop makes it so easy though.) Yay!
*waits for other people to tell me they've done this, so I don't feel like a complete loser*
Oh, and then when I was pulling on to my street I noticed that this little beverage store at the corner where I went a lot to pick up beer or alcohol was shut down. All the shelves were empty. Bummer!
On a positive note, I looooooove my new laptop. It makes everything so much easier. (I think I've blogged every day for the past 3 days. That might be a record for me. The laptop makes it so easy though.) Yay!
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Just my luck
I can't catch a break!
I decided to go out and get started on some Christmas shopping at Wal-Fart. I had a shirt that I needed to return so that was my first stop. Of course they only had 1 person working Customer Service and the customer at the front of the line didn't speak English. The poor clerk didn't even know if she wanted to buy the stuff or return it! After a couple minutes it was decided that she wanted to buy because she started haggling over the price $2 shirts. Apparently that wasn't a good enough deal. She dismissed all of her items, save for a $2.50 box of hair color which she purchased after asking what the price was about 5 times. *sigh*
So then I was off to look at the maternity section to see if I could pick up some clothes for my sister. Um. Either Wal-Mart has the worst selection of maternity clothes ever, or I wasn't looking in the right place. All I found was 1 rack of pants and 1 rack of ugly shirts. *sigh*
Next stop was the toy section. Tate is way into the Cars movie so I was on the lookout for anything dealing with that. There were a few specific things that I was looking for, but I wasn't finding them. I spied a Cars logo on an endcap and I went around the corner to see what it was. I was met by 3 cameramen and some big black dude. Ooook. My first thought was that he was a basketball player buying some toys for charity or something and they were filming for the news. I went on my way, keeping an eye out for Cars logos, when I started to run into more and more big black dudes (and a couple big white dudes) and a bunch of screaming kids wearing name tags. Oh boy. It seems that I picked the night when the Cleveland Browns (football. I was mistaken thinking it was a basketball player. I have no clue about athletes.) take a bunch of kids shopping. Hoorah! That makes things so much easier. *sigh* After a couple turns around the toy section, dodging cameramen, football players and underprivileged kids, I decided it wasn't my night and I gave up.
I wonder if I'll end up on the news, looking pissed off. LOL.
All I ended up getting was a Cars pillowcase and a poker chip set (for my mom. She's turning my old bedroom into a game room.) What a waste. I have a headache. *sigh*
I decided to go out and get started on some Christmas shopping at Wal-Fart. I had a shirt that I needed to return so that was my first stop. Of course they only had 1 person working Customer Service and the customer at the front of the line didn't speak English. The poor clerk didn't even know if she wanted to buy the stuff or return it! After a couple minutes it was decided that she wanted to buy because she started haggling over the price $2 shirts. Apparently that wasn't a good enough deal. She dismissed all of her items, save for a $2.50 box of hair color which she purchased after asking what the price was about 5 times. *sigh*
So then I was off to look at the maternity section to see if I could pick up some clothes for my sister. Um. Either Wal-Mart has the worst selection of maternity clothes ever, or I wasn't looking in the right place. All I found was 1 rack of pants and 1 rack of ugly shirts. *sigh*
Next stop was the toy section. Tate is way into the Cars movie so I was on the lookout for anything dealing with that. There were a few specific things that I was looking for, but I wasn't finding them. I spied a Cars logo on an endcap and I went around the corner to see what it was. I was met by 3 cameramen and some big black dude. Ooook. My first thought was that he was a basketball player buying some toys for charity or something and they were filming for the news. I went on my way, keeping an eye out for Cars logos, when I started to run into more and more big black dudes (and a couple big white dudes) and a bunch of screaming kids wearing name tags. Oh boy. It seems that I picked the night when the Cleveland Browns (football. I was mistaken thinking it was a basketball player. I have no clue about athletes.) take a bunch of kids shopping. Hoorah! That makes things so much easier. *sigh* After a couple turns around the toy section, dodging cameramen, football players and underprivileged kids, I decided it wasn't my night and I gave up.
I wonder if I'll end up on the news, looking pissed off. LOL.
All I ended up getting was a Cars pillowcase and a poker chip set (for my mom. She's turning my old bedroom into a game room.) What a waste. I have a headache. *sigh*
Monday, December 04, 2006
Down in a hole
I was afraid to go to sleep last night. Literally afraid to close my eyes. Why? I don't know. The only thing that I could think of was that I didn't want to go to sleep because I didn't want to wake up. I didn't want to start another day.
My depression has been really bad for the past couple months, and it's getting even worse now. Stupid winter, fucking holidays. I hate them.
I didn't go to work today. I couldn't. All I want to do anymore is watch tv and get drunk. My drinking is out of control. My life is out of control. I can't take it anymore.
But instead of handling it the way I have in the past (sleeping pills and rat poison) I decided to try a different approach, because obviously the whole suicide route hasn't worked out too well for me. I'm still here, aren't I? Instead I made a doctor's appointment and I am going to ask for some anti-depressants. I really don't think they will work, they haven't the few other times in my life I've taken them, but I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to get rid of this depression. I don't think I ever will. It's been with me for over 10 years now. I don't think it's ever going away. But I have to try something because I can't live like this anymore. I'm not really living at all. I'm existing. Going through the motions of day-to-day life. Making the requisite jokes to fool everyone (including myself) into thinking that I'm ok. Yeah, I'm fine. *snort* That might be the best joke of all.
My depression has been really bad for the past couple months, and it's getting even worse now. Stupid winter, fucking holidays. I hate them.
I didn't go to work today. I couldn't. All I want to do anymore is watch tv and get drunk. My drinking is out of control. My life is out of control. I can't take it anymore.
But instead of handling it the way I have in the past (sleeping pills and rat poison) I decided to try a different approach, because obviously the whole suicide route hasn't worked out too well for me. I'm still here, aren't I? Instead I made a doctor's appointment and I am going to ask for some anti-depressants. I really don't think they will work, they haven't the few other times in my life I've taken them, but I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to get rid of this depression. I don't think I ever will. It's been with me for over 10 years now. I don't think it's ever going away. But I have to try something because I can't live like this anymore. I'm not really living at all. I'm existing. Going through the motions of day-to-day life. Making the requisite jokes to fool everyone (including myself) into thinking that I'm ok. Yeah, I'm fine. *snort* That might be the best joke of all.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Guess where I am!!
Did you guess yet? Huh? I'll wait...
Give up?
I'm sitting in my recliner. Surfing the internet. On my brand spanking new laptop! Squeeee! I'm so excited. You have no idea how good it feels not to be sitting on the world's most uncomfortable computer chair right now.
I've already run into my first laptop related problem. Ya see, a lot of my numerical passwords I make up by what is easy to remember on the number keypad and I don't even pay attention to what numbers I'm pushing. But laptops don't really have number keypads. So when I went to sign in to Blogger, I couldn't remember what numbers my password was! LOL. I am soooo used to using a keypad. A lot of my work is entering numbers, so I use it a lot. This is going to take some getting used to. :)
But yay! I *heart* my new laptop. It's so new and clean and free of junk. And everything that I put on it will be done my way. Suh-weet. *happy dance*
Give up?
I'm sitting in my recliner. Surfing the internet. On my brand spanking new laptop! Squeeee! I'm so excited. You have no idea how good it feels not to be sitting on the world's most uncomfortable computer chair right now.
I've already run into my first laptop related problem. Ya see, a lot of my numerical passwords I make up by what is easy to remember on the number keypad and I don't even pay attention to what numbers I'm pushing. But laptops don't really have number keypads. So when I went to sign in to Blogger, I couldn't remember what numbers my password was! LOL. I am soooo used to using a keypad. A lot of my work is entering numbers, so I use it a lot. This is going to take some getting used to. :)
But yay! I *heart* my new laptop. It's so new and clean and free of junk. And everything that I put on it will be done my way. Suh-weet. *happy dance*
Friday, November 24, 2006
It's official. I'm insane.
I always thought those people who stood outside stores at 4am on Black Friday were crazy. Hell, even the people who went shopping after noon were nuts! So someone please explain to me why I am about to go to Best Buy at 3 am to stand in line for 2 hours, in hopes of getting a laptop that I probably have no realistic chance of getting? I can't believe I'm really going to do this. I've gone off the deep end.
Wish me luck!
UPDATE:
No laptop for Jen. :( Looooooong, sleepless, grumpy story: When we arrived at 3:15, the line at Best Buy was too ridiculous to even consider waiting in. It was wrapped around 3 sides of the building. There was a Staples right next door that also had a laptop deal, and there were only about 20 people waiting. But they didn't open until 6 and my mom didn't want to wait that long. So off we went to Kohls because they opened at 5 and there were a few things my mom wanted. When we arrived, there were 6 people waiting in line. We stayed in the car until about 4:15 and then we went and stood in line because it was starting to get pretty busy. By the end, I'd guess there were about 250 people waiting, and we were somewhere around #50. Right before 5, people started getting out of their cars and just waiting in the parking lot in front of the doors. Huge line of people? What huge line of people? I'm superior to them and I should get to go ahead of all these other people who've been standing in the cold for an hour. Fucking assholes. I thought there might be a riot because the people around me in line started screaming at the line jumpers. No suck luck, no punches were thrown. But it was pretty hilarious.
This being my first time with the Black Friday madness, I wasn't really sure what to expect. I mean, yeah, ya hear the stories of people beating each other up over a Tickle-Me-Elmo, but surely that won't happen here. Heh. I have to tell you, the way those people ran in the store and started snatching up the portable dvd players was amazing. I got an immediate mental picture of a swarm of pihranas attacking some fresh meat. LOL. I suddenly understood how it could get out of control, FAST. All the dvd players were wiped out within about 2 minutes. I could've grabbed one had I wanted one, but I didn't. My mom started to go a little crazy too, running around in a panic, looking for the items she wanted (a fake pre-lit christmas tree and a 13-in-1 game table). She found them, grabbed one of the last few and off we went to the checkout. All-in-all, it wasn't too bad. We were outta there by 5:30. Just a half hour of craziness.
So then we went back to the Staples, who was opening at 6. Surprise, surprise- the line was much longer now. But I waited anyhow. When I finally got into the store and asked about the laptop, I was told that they had handed out tickets and you had to have one to get the laptop. *sigh* I was really pissed. If we had just waited when we were there at 3:30 when there were only 20 other people, I'm sure I could've gotten one. But noooo. We had to go to Kohls for a stupid fake tree and a game table. *rolls eyes* Oh, and Staples had police guarding the front of the line so that people couldn't jump in. The lady in line behind me told me that last year someone had cut in line and was promptly beaten to a pulp. Insane.
So then I was determined to get a deal for all my troubles. I mean, I'm not staying awake all night and freezing my tush off to come away empty handed, dammit! :) There had been some dvds that were really good prices at Best Buy. The line was gone now (everyone was inside the store, of course) and we decided to check it out. Success! I got:
Prison Break, Season 1 ($20, regularly $50)
Arrested Development, Season 3 ($10, regularly $25)
50 First Dates ($3)
Big Fish ($3)
Fight Club ($5)
The checkout line was ridiculous. It started in the very back of the store and wound up and down through the aisles of the appliance section. I think we waited about 30 minutes just to check-out.
So I didn't get my laptop *megapout* but at least I got something. And now I can say that I have experienced Black Friday and I never have to do it again! LOL. I got home around 8am and crashed until about 1. I think I'll go watch some Prison Break goodness now. *grin*
Oh, and I'll probably buy my laptop from Dell later on today. It's about $150 more than the ones I was hoping to get this morning, but it's still a good deal. Not a go-out-shopping-at-3am-with-the-other-crazies deal, but a good deal nonetheless. :)
UPDATE, PART DEUX:
Why, why, why is it neccessary to put security tape on all 3 sides of a dvd and then wrap it in plastic? It took me 5 minutes to to peel the tape off of 1 dvd! Grrrrrrr!
Wish me luck!
UPDATE:
No laptop for Jen. :( Looooooong, sleepless, grumpy story: When we arrived at 3:15, the line at Best Buy was too ridiculous to even consider waiting in. It was wrapped around 3 sides of the building. There was a Staples right next door that also had a laptop deal, and there were only about 20 people waiting. But they didn't open until 6 and my mom didn't want to wait that long. So off we went to Kohls because they opened at 5 and there were a few things my mom wanted. When we arrived, there were 6 people waiting in line. We stayed in the car until about 4:15 and then we went and stood in line because it was starting to get pretty busy. By the end, I'd guess there were about 250 people waiting, and we were somewhere around #50. Right before 5, people started getting out of their cars and just waiting in the parking lot in front of the doors. Huge line of people? What huge line of people? I'm superior to them and I should get to go ahead of all these other people who've been standing in the cold for an hour. Fucking assholes. I thought there might be a riot because the people around me in line started screaming at the line jumpers. No suck luck, no punches were thrown. But it was pretty hilarious.
This being my first time with the Black Friday madness, I wasn't really sure what to expect. I mean, yeah, ya hear the stories of people beating each other up over a Tickle-Me-Elmo, but surely that won't happen here. Heh. I have to tell you, the way those people ran in the store and started snatching up the portable dvd players was amazing. I got an immediate mental picture of a swarm of pihranas attacking some fresh meat. LOL. I suddenly understood how it could get out of control, FAST. All the dvd players were wiped out within about 2 minutes. I could've grabbed one had I wanted one, but I didn't. My mom started to go a little crazy too, running around in a panic, looking for the items she wanted (a fake pre-lit christmas tree and a 13-in-1 game table). She found them, grabbed one of the last few and off we went to the checkout. All-in-all, it wasn't too bad. We were outta there by 5:30. Just a half hour of craziness.
So then we went back to the Staples, who was opening at 6. Surprise, surprise- the line was much longer now. But I waited anyhow. When I finally got into the store and asked about the laptop, I was told that they had handed out tickets and you had to have one to get the laptop. *sigh* I was really pissed. If we had just waited when we were there at 3:30 when there were only 20 other people, I'm sure I could've gotten one. But noooo. We had to go to Kohls for a stupid fake tree and a game table. *rolls eyes* Oh, and Staples had police guarding the front of the line so that people couldn't jump in. The lady in line behind me told me that last year someone had cut in line and was promptly beaten to a pulp. Insane.
So then I was determined to get a deal for all my troubles. I mean, I'm not staying awake all night and freezing my tush off to come away empty handed, dammit! :) There had been some dvds that were really good prices at Best Buy. The line was gone now (everyone was inside the store, of course) and we decided to check it out. Success! I got:
Prison Break, Season 1 ($20, regularly $50)
Arrested Development, Season 3 ($10, regularly $25)
50 First Dates ($3)
Big Fish ($3)
Fight Club ($5)
The checkout line was ridiculous. It started in the very back of the store and wound up and down through the aisles of the appliance section. I think we waited about 30 minutes just to check-out.
So I didn't get my laptop *megapout* but at least I got something. And now I can say that I have experienced Black Friday and I never have to do it again! LOL. I got home around 8am and crashed until about 1. I think I'll go watch some Prison Break goodness now. *grin*
Oh, and I'll probably buy my laptop from Dell later on today. It's about $150 more than the ones I was hoping to get this morning, but it's still a good deal. Not a go-out-shopping-at-3am-with-the-other-crazies deal, but a good deal nonetheless. :)
UPDATE, PART DEUX:
Why, why, why is it neccessary to put security tape on all 3 sides of a dvd and then wrap it in plastic? It took me 5 minutes to to peel the tape off of 1 dvd! Grrrrrrr!
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
I'm going to be an aunt! (again)
My sister is pregnant! Yay!
This news makes me happy. She had been saying that she wasn't sure if she wanted another baby or not, and since I don't really ever plan on having kids I was worried that I wouldn't get to have that wonderful new-baby-in-your-arms feeling again. I was also getting worried because Tate is 4 now and I didn't want there to be a huge age difference if they did have another baby. But they will be pretty much the same as my sister and I are, about 4.5 years difference. Which is good, I think. We are all really hoping it's a girl (my sis was very disappointed at first when she found out Tate was a boy) but of course everyone would love another boy, too. She's only about 6 weeks now, so there's still a long way to go. Her due date as of now is July 13, which is a Friday. Heh.
Yay! *jumps up and down*
This news makes me happy. She had been saying that she wasn't sure if she wanted another baby or not, and since I don't really ever plan on having kids I was worried that I wouldn't get to have that wonderful new-baby-in-your-arms feeling again. I was also getting worried because Tate is 4 now and I didn't want there to be a huge age difference if they did have another baby. But they will be pretty much the same as my sister and I are, about 4.5 years difference. Which is good, I think. We are all really hoping it's a girl (my sis was very disappointed at first when she found out Tate was a boy) but of course everyone would love another boy, too. She's only about 6 weeks now, so there's still a long way to go. Her due date as of now is July 13, which is a Friday. Heh.
Yay! *jumps up and down*
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Uhhhh. Hi.
I don't have much to update about. I've been in a real funk lately. And it's that time of the month and I am just blah.
I have to get a new car in January so I have been looking around online and paying more attention to cars on the road. Back in 2003 when I got my current car, an Acura RSX, I was also looking at the Mazda 6. It was brand new then and I loved the way it looked, inside and out. But then I decided that I didn't want a 4 door car. I didn't need something that big. I rarely have other passengers in my car, so a 2 door was fine. But I still loved the Mazda 6 and I figured that would be my next car. 4 years later, I still don't need a 4 door car, but I think I would like it for the ease of just throwing stuff in the backseat and I'd also like to have something that sits a little higher because the world is being overrun by SUV's and it's really not safe for little coupes anymore. Anyway, now that I am paying more attention to cars on the road, I am noticing that the 6's are everywhere! And that kind of turns me off. I don't want a car that everyone else has. That is one thing I loved about my Acura when I got it, there were hardly any other people in my area driving it. Until they built an Acura dealership in the area, that is. Heh. There is also a Mazda 3, which has the same look as the 6, but it is a little smaller and cheaper. I am considering this too.
I think the main contender in my line-up right now is the Saturn Ion Quad Coupe. It has a lot of what I am looking for. A coupe with 4 doors! Genius! *grin* But really, I think it is very cool that it has little doors to make getting in the backseat easier, and I can still keep the sportier coupe style that I like. (Side note: I keep typing couple. It's getting annoying.) There is a Saturn dealership right down the street from me, but this car is not a common sight on the roads. Add in the price and features, and I think this car might be a good one for me.
Other cars I am considering:
Honda Civic. Eh. Another car that everyone drives, but the price might be right. I don't know whether I would go for another coupe or step up to the sedan.
Pontiac G5. Very cool looking car. I saw one on the road and it caught my eye.
Chevy Cobalt. I'm basically only looking into this car because I saw one that was my favorite shade of purple. Yeah, I can be a total girl when it comes to car shopping. I want pretty colors! :) (Side note: What is up with color choices these days? Black, white, silver, tan or red. That's what most have to offer. Bo-ring! What about a nice blue or green or purple? I've had 2 silver cars and my current car is black. I'd like an actual color, other than red because I hate red, but it looks like I might be going back to silver. Which isn't too bad because it is my favorite color after all.)
Toyota Corolla. I haven't done much research on this one yet, but it's on my list to check out.
So that's how I've been spending a lot of my days. Building and pricing cars. I'll probably get out and start test driving next month. I hope I can find a car that I really like, but that costs a little less than what I pay now. If I want to have any hope of moving to a new apartment/townhouse next year, I need to cut back on some expenses. *sigh*
I had pictures of all the cars, but blogger won't let me add them. Big surprise. *rolls eyes*
Phew. That was boring. Sorry. :)
I have to get a new car in January so I have been looking around online and paying more attention to cars on the road. Back in 2003 when I got my current car, an Acura RSX, I was also looking at the Mazda 6. It was brand new then and I loved the way it looked, inside and out. But then I decided that I didn't want a 4 door car. I didn't need something that big. I rarely have other passengers in my car, so a 2 door was fine. But I still loved the Mazda 6 and I figured that would be my next car. 4 years later, I still don't need a 4 door car, but I think I would like it for the ease of just throwing stuff in the backseat and I'd also like to have something that sits a little higher because the world is being overrun by SUV's and it's really not safe for little coupes anymore. Anyway, now that I am paying more attention to cars on the road, I am noticing that the 6's are everywhere! And that kind of turns me off. I don't want a car that everyone else has. That is one thing I loved about my Acura when I got it, there were hardly any other people in my area driving it. Until they built an Acura dealership in the area, that is. Heh. There is also a Mazda 3, which has the same look as the 6, but it is a little smaller and cheaper. I am considering this too.
I think the main contender in my line-up right now is the Saturn Ion Quad Coupe. It has a lot of what I am looking for. A coupe with 4 doors! Genius! *grin* But really, I think it is very cool that it has little doors to make getting in the backseat easier, and I can still keep the sportier coupe style that I like. (Side note: I keep typing couple. It's getting annoying.) There is a Saturn dealership right down the street from me, but this car is not a common sight on the roads. Add in the price and features, and I think this car might be a good one for me.
Other cars I am considering:
Honda Civic. Eh. Another car that everyone drives, but the price might be right. I don't know whether I would go for another coupe or step up to the sedan.
Pontiac G5. Very cool looking car. I saw one on the road and it caught my eye.
Chevy Cobalt. I'm basically only looking into this car because I saw one that was my favorite shade of purple. Yeah, I can be a total girl when it comes to car shopping. I want pretty colors! :) (Side note: What is up with color choices these days? Black, white, silver, tan or red. That's what most have to offer. Bo-ring! What about a nice blue or green or purple? I've had 2 silver cars and my current car is black. I'd like an actual color, other than red because I hate red, but it looks like I might be going back to silver. Which isn't too bad because it is my favorite color after all.)
Toyota Corolla. I haven't done much research on this one yet, but it's on my list to check out.
So that's how I've been spending a lot of my days. Building and pricing cars. I'll probably get out and start test driving next month. I hope I can find a car that I really like, but that costs a little less than what I pay now. If I want to have any hope of moving to a new apartment/townhouse next year, I need to cut back on some expenses. *sigh*
I had pictures of all the cars, but blogger won't let me add them. Big surprise. *rolls eyes*
Phew. That was boring. Sorry. :)
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Work, guitars and tv
Whew. It has been a busy few days at work for me. My mom went on vacation so I was left to handle pretty much everything for over a week. She'll be back tomorrow, so I only have 1 hour and 15 minutes left as office manager. Thank gawd. I hate running the office. Hate it. Every time the phone rings I have a mini-coronary and I get so stressed out that my eye starts to twitch.
Last night I had my final guitar class. I am kind of sad that it is over. I enjoyed the class, and enjoyed the stuff that we learned (though I wish we had learned a bit more), and enjoyed the other people in the class. We all exchanged numbers though, and we might get together for a practice session some time in the future. I would definitely be interested in taking another class, but my teacher said that they wouldn't be offering the intermediate class until next fall! Bastards. I could also take private lessons from the teacher, but they are really expensive. I guess I'll just keep practicing for the time being, and then I'll see how much farther I might want to go with it.
Oh, and he only gave us 2 songs to practice. "Let it Be" by the Beatles and "Amazing Grace". I'm not sure what happened to "Country Roads" and I'm swear that he said he would give us a bunch of songs to look over. *shrug*
I freaking love Wednesday night tv. There are 6 great shows on, which is the perfect amount because I can watch 3 and tape 3. My schedule:
8:00 -- Watch DWTS results, Tape ANTM
9:00 -- Watch TBL, Tape LOST
10:00-- Watch TC, Tape T9
DECODER:
DWTS = Dancing With The Stars
ANTM = America's Next Top Model
TBL = The Biggest Loser
LOST = LOST
TC = Top Chef
T9 = The Nine
*grin*
I'm really looking forward to Top Chef tonight. I have a new reality crush.
Ilan = Yummers
Last night I had my final guitar class. I am kind of sad that it is over. I enjoyed the class, and enjoyed the stuff that we learned (though I wish we had learned a bit more), and enjoyed the other people in the class. We all exchanged numbers though, and we might get together for a practice session some time in the future. I would definitely be interested in taking another class, but my teacher said that they wouldn't be offering the intermediate class until next fall! Bastards. I could also take private lessons from the teacher, but they are really expensive. I guess I'll just keep practicing for the time being, and then I'll see how much farther I might want to go with it.
Oh, and he only gave us 2 songs to practice. "Let it Be" by the Beatles and "Amazing Grace". I'm not sure what happened to "Country Roads" and I'm swear that he said he would give us a bunch of songs to look over. *shrug*
I freaking love Wednesday night tv. There are 6 great shows on, which is the perfect amount because I can watch 3 and tape 3. My schedule:
8:00 -- Watch DWTS results, Tape ANTM
9:00 -- Watch TBL, Tape LOST
10:00-- Watch TC, Tape T9
DECODER:
DWTS = Dancing With The Stars
ANTM = America's Next Top Model
TBL = The Biggest Loser
LOST = LOST
TC = Top Chef
T9 = The Nine
*grin*
I'm really looking forward to Top Chef tonight. I have a new reality crush.
Ilan = Yummers
Friday, October 13, 2006
All about MeMe
01. What does your Blog Name mean?
It doesn't really mean anything. I just thought it was funny.
02. Elaborate on your default icon
I wanted something like an optical illusion, but I couldn't find anything that I liked. I thought this icon was cool. A downward spiral, much like my life. Heh.
03. What's your middle name?
Lynn
04. What is your current relationship status?
Single.
05. Honestly, do you and your crush flirt alot?
Uh. No? I don't really have a crush, other than movie/tv stars.
06. What is your current mood?
Calm. Bored.
07. What do you love most?
My nephew.
08. What makes you most happy?
Alcohol. :)
09. Are you musically inclined?
I'm beginning to think no.
10. If you could go back in time, and change something, would you?
Absolutely.
11. If you had to be an animal for one day, what would you be?
A fish. It'd be cool to swim around and see what happens on the ocean floor.
12. Ever have a near death experience?
Not really. I'm not sure. Heh.
13. Name one thing you do a lot?
Talk to myself. All the frickin time. Thankfully I only do it when I'm alone, so no one hears me.
14. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
"Rapture" by Hurt
15. Who did you copy and paste this from?
Glowie and Swami.
16. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
My cousin Matt.
17. Here, enter your own secret question:
Uh. What scent of Secret deodorant do you like the most?
18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience? Where?
God no!
19. What are the things you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?
Lips, eyes, hair, hands, ass. :)
20. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows ?
Not really. Only if I'm babysitting.
21. Do you have glasses?
In my cabinets? Yes. On my face? Not anymore. Jen *hearts* Lasik.
22. Are you comfortable with your height?
No. I wish I was a little bit taller. (I wish I was a baller. Wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her.)(Anyone get that? Anyone?)
23. Name something funny that always happens to you?
I can't think of anything. At least not anything funny.
24. Do you speak any other languages?
I took 4 years of Spanish in high school, but I wouldn't say that I speak it. :)
25. What's your favorite smell?
Lavender. Mmmmmm.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. If my life were a drinking game, everyone would do a shot when...
I pretend I'm working.
2. The Rat Packer I most identify with is: A) Frank Sinatra; B) Sammy Davis Jr; C) Dean Martin; or D) Peter Lawford
*stealing from MM*
Huh? You mean the BRAT pack? Oh, easy. Ally Sheedy. *smile*
3. The first famous person I liked was:
I don't know if he was the first, but I used to love Corky Nemec from a tv show called "Parker Lewis Can't Lose". (I was going to add a pic of him here, but blogger wont' let me.)
4. If I had to gain 30 pounds, I would eat:
Pretty much what I eat now. Pizza, burgers, fries, other assorted greasy junk food.
5. Choose one: A) The Rolling Stones; B) The Beatles
6. The person I'm mistaken for most often is:
No one, really. Just the general "you look like someone, but I can't think of who."
7. Pick a Jessica: A) Jessica Alba; B) Jessica Biel; C)Jessica Simpson; D)Jessica Tandy
8. The worst advice I've ever received:
"Ask him out. The worst that could happen is he will say no."
9. After a long day, I like to kick back with: A) Martini; B) Cold Beer; C) Pinot Noir; or D) Chamomile Tea
10. The most underrated performer is:
I have no clue.
11. The thing I've wanted to buy but am just too embarrassed to purchase:
Ah, the beauty of the internet. If I'm too embarrassed to go into a store, I will find it online.
12. My porn name is: Zippy Pearl.
(childhood pet + street you grew up on)
It doesn't really mean anything. I just thought it was funny.
02. Elaborate on your default icon
I wanted something like an optical illusion, but I couldn't find anything that I liked. I thought this icon was cool. A downward spiral, much like my life. Heh.
03. What's your middle name?
Lynn
04. What is your current relationship status?
Single.
05. Honestly, do you and your crush flirt alot?
Uh. No? I don't really have a crush, other than movie/tv stars.
06. What is your current mood?
Calm. Bored.
07. What do you love most?
My nephew.
08. What makes you most happy?
Alcohol. :)
09. Are you musically inclined?
I'm beginning to think no.
10. If you could go back in time, and change something, would you?
Absolutely.
11. If you had to be an animal for one day, what would you be?
A fish. It'd be cool to swim around and see what happens on the ocean floor.
12. Ever have a near death experience?
Not really. I'm not sure. Heh.
13. Name one thing you do a lot?
Talk to myself. All the frickin time. Thankfully I only do it when I'm alone, so no one hears me.
14. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
"Rapture" by Hurt
15. Who did you copy and paste this from?
Glowie and Swami.
16. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
My cousin Matt.
17. Here, enter your own secret question:
Uh. What scent of Secret deodorant do you like the most?
18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience? Where?
God no!
19. What are the things you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?
Lips, eyes, hair, hands, ass. :)
20. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows ?
Not really. Only if I'm babysitting.
21. Do you have glasses?
In my cabinets? Yes. On my face? Not anymore. Jen *hearts* Lasik.
22. Are you comfortable with your height?
No. I wish I was a little bit taller. (I wish I was a baller. Wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her.)(Anyone get that? Anyone?)
23. Name something funny that always happens to you?
I can't think of anything. At least not anything funny.
24. Do you speak any other languages?
I took 4 years of Spanish in high school, but I wouldn't say that I speak it. :)
25. What's your favorite smell?
Lavender. Mmmmmm.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. If my life were a drinking game, everyone would do a shot when...
I pretend I'm working.
2. The Rat Packer I most identify with is: A) Frank Sinatra; B) Sammy Davis Jr; C) Dean Martin; or D) Peter Lawford
*stealing from MM*
Huh? You mean the BRAT pack? Oh, easy. Ally Sheedy. *smile*
3. The first famous person I liked was:
I don't know if he was the first, but I used to love Corky Nemec from a tv show called "Parker Lewis Can't Lose". (I was going to add a pic of him here, but blogger wont' let me.)
4. If I had to gain 30 pounds, I would eat:
Pretty much what I eat now. Pizza, burgers, fries, other assorted greasy junk food.
5. Choose one: A) The Rolling Stones; B) The Beatles
6. The person I'm mistaken for most often is:
No one, really. Just the general "you look like someone, but I can't think of who."
7. Pick a Jessica: A) Jessica Alba; B) Jessica Biel; C)Jessica Simpson; D)Jessica Tandy
8. The worst advice I've ever received:
"Ask him out. The worst that could happen is he will say no."
9. After a long day, I like to kick back with: A) Martini; B) Cold Beer; C) Pinot Noir; or D) Chamomile Tea
10. The most underrated performer is:
I have no clue.
11. The thing I've wanted to buy but am just too embarrassed to purchase:
Ah, the beauty of the internet. If I'm too embarrassed to go into a store, I will find it online.
12. My porn name is: Zippy Pearl.
(childhood pet + street you grew up on)
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Myspace is crazy
I was really bored today, so I did a little snooping around on myspace. I have an account, but I don't really go on there much. Glow is my only friend. Heh. But anyway, I updated my profile a bit, and then I saw this feature where you could search for people. So I put in a name of a friend from high school. Profiles came up, but none of them seemed to be him. So then I put in the name of an old friend from Staples. I found him! I guess he's living in Arizona now. How crazy. I didn't write him a message because it might seem creepy that I'm doing a search on him. Heh. So then I decided to search for one more person. A person I used to think I loved. A person who is tied to one of the worst times in my life. I found him. And now I feel sick. I shouldn't have done that search. I should have just gone on thinking I was over him. I should have forgotten all about him by now. Ugh.
Anyway, my point is that it is insane that I can just type a name into a box and get a glimpse into the lives of people that I haven't talked to in years and years. Insane.
*goes to vomit*
Anyway, my point is that it is insane that I can just type a name into a box and get a glimpse into the lives of people that I haven't talked to in years and years. Insane.
*goes to vomit*
Monday, October 09, 2006
Fuck. Ow.
For the past few months I have had pretty much constant back pain, up between my shoulder blades. Last month, I woke up and the right side of my neck had spasmed and I couldn't move it at all. That got better after a few days, I can move it now, but it still hurts. Just now, I turned my head quickly and the left side of my neck spasmed. Shit! So now I have pain on both sides of my neck and most of my upper back. I don't know if I can take this much more. The main problem is probably one of two things:
1. My mattress sucks. I really need a new one, but I don't have the money for one. And I can't find a good pillow anywhere. I have bought so many pillows over the past year, and none of them are comfortable for me.
2. My big boobs are finally catching up with me. I have been lucky that I never had neck or shoulder problems considering the size of my chest, but maybe this is what is causing my pain now.
Oh, and I have shitty posture, too. It's probably the mattress. I guess I will have to buy one and use my credit card, because this pain is ridiculous. If I get the mattress and that doesn't solve the problem, looks like I might have to go to a chiropractor or something. :(
1. My mattress sucks. I really need a new one, but I don't have the money for one. And I can't find a good pillow anywhere. I have bought so many pillows over the past year, and none of them are comfortable for me.
2. My big boobs are finally catching up with me. I have been lucky that I never had neck or shoulder problems considering the size of my chest, but maybe this is what is causing my pain now.
Oh, and I have shitty posture, too. It's probably the mattress. I guess I will have to buy one and use my credit card, because this pain is ridiculous. If I get the mattress and that doesn't solve the problem, looks like I might have to go to a chiropractor or something. :(
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Class, the second
I wasn't planning on doing another post about guitar class last night, since I figure it's pretty boring, but since I don't have anything else to talk about and since people are asking how it went, I guess I will. (Thank you all for asking, btw.)
The class was fine. We learned a new chord (D) and he claims that next week we will be learning a song. I don't see how that is possible. Heh. I think he said the song would be "Country Roads". Not exactly my cup of tea. *snort* But it should be fun (and frustrating) to try and play an actual song.
I can't really even play right now because my fingers are so sore, so that bums me out. I know I need to play more so that I can toughen up my fingers and form callouses, but right now I can't even press down on the chords hard enough to make sound. I just make this *thunk* sound. It's not pleasant. And it's embarrassing in class when the other 2 girls are playing nicely and I'm going *thunk, thunk, thunk*. I'm going to try just doing the finger placement (which will help to toughen up my fingers since I'll still be working on the strings) and not worry about strumming for a few days, because I get frustrated when I can't make it sound right. I also need to work on how I hold my thumb. That is messing me up as well.
At one point during class he was asking us to move from one chord to another (a new move that he hadn't taught us yet) and apparently I did it perfectly and he got all excited and said "Yes! Just like that. Do it again so they can see." and of course once he put me on the spot, I couldn't do it again! My fingers started flying everywhere! I don't like people looking at me! LOL. It's all very laid back though. Even though I feel self conscious most of the time, I don't think anyone is judging me, so that is good. Everyone is really nice. The teacher gives us lots of reassurance that we're doing good, and this is the hardest stage. When I was leaving he said I was doing great. Of course he's lying, but it's nice to hear. *grin*
The class was fine. We learned a new chord (D) and he claims that next week we will be learning a song. I don't see how that is possible. Heh. I think he said the song would be "Country Roads". Not exactly my cup of tea. *snort* But it should be fun (and frustrating) to try and play an actual song.
I can't really even play right now because my fingers are so sore, so that bums me out. I know I need to play more so that I can toughen up my fingers and form callouses, but right now I can't even press down on the chords hard enough to make sound. I just make this *thunk* sound. It's not pleasant. And it's embarrassing in class when the other 2 girls are playing nicely and I'm going *thunk, thunk, thunk*. I'm going to try just doing the finger placement (which will help to toughen up my fingers since I'll still be working on the strings) and not worry about strumming for a few days, because I get frustrated when I can't make it sound right. I also need to work on how I hold my thumb. That is messing me up as well.
At one point during class he was asking us to move from one chord to another (a new move that he hadn't taught us yet) and apparently I did it perfectly and he got all excited and said "Yes! Just like that. Do it again so they can see." and of course once he put me on the spot, I couldn't do it again! My fingers started flying everywhere! I don't like people looking at me! LOL. It's all very laid back though. Even though I feel self conscious most of the time, I don't think anyone is judging me, so that is good. Everyone is really nice. The teacher gives us lots of reassurance that we're doing good, and this is the hardest stage. When I was leaving he said I was doing great. Of course he's lying, but it's nice to hear. *grin*
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
*ices fingertips*
Ok. Here's the story. No, not of a lovely lady who was bringing up 3 very lovely girls. This one is about my first night of guitar class. :)
I got home from work, choked down a turkey sandwich, almost threw it up because I was so nervous, grabbed my guitar and headed out the door. The class was supposed to start at 7:30 and I showed up about 10 minutes early. I walked into the designated room (it's held at a local middle school, about 5 minutes from my apartment) and there was a woman sitting there strumming her guitar. I was surprised that there weren't more people, but I figured it was just because I like to be early for things. I sat down and we started chatting. She was probably in her 50's, even though she didn't look it, but she has a 30 year old son. Her name is Sheila and she was very nice and easy to talk to. She has been taking some private guitar classes, but didn't really like her instructor so she thought she would give someone else a try.
7:30 comes and goes, and it's still just me and Sheila. No teacher. No other students. We start to worry that the class was cancelled and we were not informed. A couple minutes later, 2 other women walk in. They were Hannah, 16, and her mom Sandy. (I'm writing their names so I don't forget them next week. Heh.) Hannah's mom was just dropping her off, but once she saw that there was no teacher she decided to stay a little while just in case no one showed up. We chit-chatted for quite a while longer. Everyone was very nice. Hannah and Sheila are both very talkative, which is good for me since I'm not so good at conversing with strangers.
We were still chatting at 7:45 when we heard some keys jingling in a side door. Some very odd little man came in and mumbled some stuff about people going to the wrong building. What people? The teacher? Other students? We didn't know. He was very hard to understand. Sheila asked him if we were in the right place and he mumbled something that passed for a yes, and then something about them being on their way, so we sat patiently and chatted a while longer.
Around 8:00, which was going to be my cut-off time for waiting any longer, we heard some footsteps coming down the hall. It was a man and a woman that turned out to be the teacher and his ??? He said she was his boss, which she laughed at, so I'm thinking maybe it was his wife? It wasn't clear. Heh. He apologized for keeping us waiting, and explained that he had gone to the place where he taught his last class by mistake. He said he would still like to get in the full hour if none of us didn't have anywhere to be. We didn't. :)
So, he started into his speech. He was a little bit of a douche (talking about how his technique is better than anything else, informing us that he has a cd coming out soon, telling stories about his backwoods Uncle Dave, etc.) but for the most part, a likeable guy. He kept making football references and old cowboy movie references and I looked around at the other two women that he was teaching and they didn't seem to be getting it either. LOL. He was funny though, and by this time I was starting to relax a little.
He talked for a while, he played a little bit while he was talking, and then he played this cool song medley for us. I didn't recognize many of them, but I did hear "Play That Funky Music" lol, some really pretty classical piece that I don't know the name of but I recognize it, and of course "Stairway to Heaven". *snort* He seemed like he was pretty good.
Then came the part where we actually learned stuff! Woo! He taught us 3 different chords and we just practiced getting our fingers placed correctly, and going back and forth between them. I was a little bit slower than the other girls, because they had both at least picked up a guitar before! LOL. He could sense that it was making me nervous, and he was nice about it, and kept telling me that I was doing good. We did that for awhile, and then time was up. He just told us to practice those 3 chords, even just for 5 minutes a day, to get used to the finger placement and feel of the strings. Damn the strings! My fingers are still hurting! LOL. It's going to take some getting used to, but I am looking forward to the next class. :)
Oh, and I am really surprised that they didn't cancel it since there were only 3 of us there. It is better this way, because we will all get much more personal instruction, but I was a little bummed. One of my hopes for this class was to make some friends my own age. Oh well. Both of the other students were really nice, and that is good. And I just really needed to get out of the house and try something new, and I'm proud of myself for going through with it.
Thank you all for encouraging me, and for not making me feel stupid about being so nervous. Love you guys! *smooches*
(I feel like I'm forgetting something I was going to say.... grrrr.)
I got home from work, choked down a turkey sandwich, almost threw it up because I was so nervous, grabbed my guitar and headed out the door. The class was supposed to start at 7:30 and I showed up about 10 minutes early. I walked into the designated room (it's held at a local middle school, about 5 minutes from my apartment) and there was a woman sitting there strumming her guitar. I was surprised that there weren't more people, but I figured it was just because I like to be early for things. I sat down and we started chatting. She was probably in her 50's, even though she didn't look it, but she has a 30 year old son. Her name is Sheila and she was very nice and easy to talk to. She has been taking some private guitar classes, but didn't really like her instructor so she thought she would give someone else a try.
7:30 comes and goes, and it's still just me and Sheila. No teacher. No other students. We start to worry that the class was cancelled and we were not informed. A couple minutes later, 2 other women walk in. They were Hannah, 16, and her mom Sandy. (I'm writing their names so I don't forget them next week. Heh.) Hannah's mom was just dropping her off, but once she saw that there was no teacher she decided to stay a little while just in case no one showed up. We chit-chatted for quite a while longer. Everyone was very nice. Hannah and Sheila are both very talkative, which is good for me since I'm not so good at conversing with strangers.
We were still chatting at 7:45 when we heard some keys jingling in a side door. Some very odd little man came in and mumbled some stuff about people going to the wrong building. What people? The teacher? Other students? We didn't know. He was very hard to understand. Sheila asked him if we were in the right place and he mumbled something that passed for a yes, and then something about them being on their way, so we sat patiently and chatted a while longer.
Around 8:00, which was going to be my cut-off time for waiting any longer, we heard some footsteps coming down the hall. It was a man and a woman that turned out to be the teacher and his ??? He said she was his boss, which she laughed at, so I'm thinking maybe it was his wife? It wasn't clear. Heh. He apologized for keeping us waiting, and explained that he had gone to the place where he taught his last class by mistake. He said he would still like to get in the full hour if none of us didn't have anywhere to be. We didn't. :)
So, he started into his speech. He was a little bit of a douche (talking about how his technique is better than anything else, informing us that he has a cd coming out soon, telling stories about his backwoods Uncle Dave, etc.) but for the most part, a likeable guy. He kept making football references and old cowboy movie references and I looked around at the other two women that he was teaching and they didn't seem to be getting it either. LOL. He was funny though, and by this time I was starting to relax a little.
He talked for a while, he played a little bit while he was talking, and then he played this cool song medley for us. I didn't recognize many of them, but I did hear "Play That Funky Music" lol, some really pretty classical piece that I don't know the name of but I recognize it, and of course "Stairway to Heaven". *snort* He seemed like he was pretty good.
Then came the part where we actually learned stuff! Woo! He taught us 3 different chords and we just practiced getting our fingers placed correctly, and going back and forth between them. I was a little bit slower than the other girls, because they had both at least picked up a guitar before! LOL. He could sense that it was making me nervous, and he was nice about it, and kept telling me that I was doing good. We did that for awhile, and then time was up. He just told us to practice those 3 chords, even just for 5 minutes a day, to get used to the finger placement and feel of the strings. Damn the strings! My fingers are still hurting! LOL. It's going to take some getting used to, but I am looking forward to the next class. :)
Oh, and I am really surprised that they didn't cancel it since there were only 3 of us there. It is better this way, because we will all get much more personal instruction, but I was a little bummed. One of my hopes for this class was to make some friends my own age. Oh well. Both of the other students were really nice, and that is good. And I just really needed to get out of the house and try something new, and I'm proud of myself for going through with it.
Thank you all for encouraging me, and for not making me feel stupid about being so nervous. Love you guys! *smooches*
(I feel like I'm forgetting something I was going to say.... grrrr.)
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Ummm... *ack*
My guitar class starts tonight. I'm trying not to freak out, but I'm really nervous. I hate new experiences! Heh. I was seriously thinking about cancelling, but I just keep telling myself that it's only 4 hours out of my life and even if I make a fool out of myself somehow, I'll probably never see these people again. And maybe it'll be fun. I mean, I seriously doubt it, but you never know. LOL. I just don't like the unknown. I have no idea what this class is going to be like, I have no idea who else might be taking it, I have no idea what the teacher will be like, I have no idea if it will be worth the money I paid for it. It better be, because I'm really in no position to be blowing money. I know $65 might not seem like a lot to some of you, but it's a big deal to me. I just keep thinking of more important things that I could've used that money for. *sigh*
Evs. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude, but I'm just really nervous. And this is what I do when I'm nervous-- I spaz out and think of worst case scenarios and I question myself and try to think of every possible thing that could go wrong, so that if they do go wrong at least I was prepared for it. It's not an unknown anymore.
Anyway. Tomorrow, I'll let you all know how it went. :)
Evs. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude, but I'm just really nervous. And this is what I do when I'm nervous-- I spaz out and think of worst case scenarios and I question myself and try to think of every possible thing that could go wrong, so that if they do go wrong at least I was prepared for it. It's not an unknown anymore.
Anyway. Tomorrow, I'll let you all know how it went. :)
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Saturday, September 16, 2006
The Last Kiss
I went to the movies last night with my friend Tracy. We saw "The Last Kiss" starring my former pretend boyfriend Zach Braff, and one of my girl crushes, Rachel Bilson. OMH. I loved this movie. It was wonderful. Funny, dramatic, touching, everything a good movie should be. The soundtrack contained 2 of my very favoritest songs. When it ended, I wanted to watch it all over again. Heh. Go see it! And take me with you! :) (Note: contains a few rather sexual scenes, and a lot of swearing. Tons of f-bombs, which for some reason the rest of the theater found to be hilarious. I don't know why, but they laughed everytime someone said fuck. It was odd. I hate theater goers. They can be sooooo annoying. LOL.)
After that we went to Damon's and had some drinks and dinner. She got me a hilarious birthday card and burned me the new Tool cd. Yay! We sat and chatted for a while after dinner, and then called it a night. It was a very nice time. :)
Today I'm off to my mom's house. I don't think there will be anything special going on. Hopefully there will be some birthday cake! I want cake!
Thank you all for your birthday messages over in Carey's blog. *group smooch*
After that we went to Damon's and had some drinks and dinner. She got me a hilarious birthday card and burned me the new Tool cd. Yay! We sat and chatted for a while after dinner, and then called it a night. It was a very nice time. :)
Today I'm off to my mom's house. I don't think there will be anything special going on. Hopefully there will be some birthday cake! I want cake!
Thank you all for your birthday messages over in Carey's blog. *group smooch*
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Note to self: Buy Mace
STRONGSVILLE -- Police continue looking for the suspect who assaulted a female Friday morning in the parking lot of the [name deleted] Apartments.
At 1 a.m. Friday morning, Strongsville Police responded to a female assaulted.
The victim reported she was walking to her apartment from her car when she was grabbed by an unknown male who wrapped one arm around her neck and placed his other hand over her mouth.
The victim reported that the assailant threw her to the ground and began choking her.
A male walking by heard the woman screaming and chased off the suspect.
The suspect is described as either a Hispanic male, a light-skinned black male, or a tanned white male. He is 6 feet tall, with a medium muscular build, brown hair and large eyebrows. The suspect was wearing a cream or gray colored shirt, a blue baseball cap, and light colored shoes.
Anyone who saw anything or who knows anything should contact the Strongsville Police Department.
Um. Yeah. Not feeling so safe anymore. I know it could happen anywhere, but I don't like that it actually happened in my freaking parking lot. *sigh* And gee, what a great description. I'm sure I'll be able to spot him. Beware of people with large eyebrows. *rolls eyes*
At 1 a.m. Friday morning, Strongsville Police responded to a female assaulted.
The victim reported she was walking to her apartment from her car when she was grabbed by an unknown male who wrapped one arm around her neck and placed his other hand over her mouth.
The victim reported that the assailant threw her to the ground and began choking her.
A male walking by heard the woman screaming and chased off the suspect.
The suspect is described as either a Hispanic male, a light-skinned black male, or a tanned white male. He is 6 feet tall, with a medium muscular build, brown hair and large eyebrows. The suspect was wearing a cream or gray colored shirt, a blue baseball cap, and light colored shoes.
Anyone who saw anything or who knows anything should contact the Strongsville Police Department.
Um. Yeah. Not feeling so safe anymore. I know it could happen anywhere, but I don't like that it actually happened in my freaking parking lot. *sigh* And gee, what a great description. I'm sure I'll be able to spot him. Beware of people with large eyebrows. *rolls eyes*
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Take a class! Take a class!
That is advice I've heard countless times, whenever I bitch about not having friends, not going places, not meeting people, etc. Great advice, yes. But I never thought I would actually follow it because a) I hate doing things by myself, b) I don't want to spend the money and c) I couldn't think of anything that would interest me.
Last night I got a booklet in the mail with a bunch of classes that my city is offering. I sat down and took a good long look at it. The first thing that caught my eye was:
Beginning Acting for Adults
By Brad Schreiber
A great introduction to the wonderful world of Theater! Students will learn how to prepare monologues and scenes for fun and auditions as well as participating in improvisational theater games. An informal showcase will be presented to family and friends at the last class. Don’t be shy, give it a try!
9/27-10/18 W 7-8:30 pm $55
Improv? Showcase? Ack! I don't think I'm ready for this yet. I think I need to work on just being comfortable doing new things before I jump into something like this. This class just sounds too skeery to me at this point in my life.
So, I kept browsing, and saw this:
Introduction to Guitar (Age 14 +)
By Bud Preston
Hands too big? Too small? Too weak? If you have ever said, or felt this, then this class is for you! Not a put your finger here, put your finger there, then strum class, the curriculum is designed to take you through a logical step by step process to understand what it takes to play the guitar fluently and with musicality. This class is great for beginners of all ages and a must for those frustrated with previous attempts at the guitar. Instructor is an instrumental/acoustic guitarist, performer and teacher.
9/26-10/24 T 7:30- 8:30 pm $65
Hey now. This sounds like it might be good. My mom, for no apparent reason, bought me a guitar several years ago for X-Mas. I had never asked for one, never expressed any interest in learning to play, but she thought I would like it. Since then, it has basically sat in a corner of my room and collected dust. I tried to tune it once, and broke one of the strings. LOL. Me = total guitar dummy. Heh. Oh, and I do have small hands. :) I like the part where is says "logical step by step process" because I think I could learn well that way. I'm all about the logic. $65 for 4 hours worth of lessons doesn't seem unreasonable. The "Age 14+" worries me slightly. I don't really want to be in a class with a bunch of 14 year olds, but I think people my age would take this class, too. Maybe. Cute 20-something guys like to play the guitar, right? ;) Sooooo. I think I'm going to sign up for this class. I can always cancel if I decide I'm too chicken shit. *grin*
What do you think?
(I'm predicting 100% of you tell me to go for it. Except for maybe a few smart-asses who will say the opposite now that I've written that sentence. *evil eyes*)
Last night I got a booklet in the mail with a bunch of classes that my city is offering. I sat down and took a good long look at it. The first thing that caught my eye was:
Beginning Acting for Adults
By Brad Schreiber
A great introduction to the wonderful world of Theater! Students will learn how to prepare monologues and scenes for fun and auditions as well as participating in improvisational theater games. An informal showcase will be presented to family and friends at the last class. Don’t be shy, give it a try!
9/27-10/18 W 7-8:30 pm $55
Improv? Showcase? Ack! I don't think I'm ready for this yet. I think I need to work on just being comfortable doing new things before I jump into something like this. This class just sounds too skeery to me at this point in my life.
So, I kept browsing, and saw this:
Introduction to Guitar (Age 14 +)
By Bud Preston
Hands too big? Too small? Too weak? If you have ever said, or felt this, then this class is for you! Not a put your finger here, put your finger there, then strum class, the curriculum is designed to take you through a logical step by step process to understand what it takes to play the guitar fluently and with musicality. This class is great for beginners of all ages and a must for those frustrated with previous attempts at the guitar. Instructor is an instrumental/acoustic guitarist, performer and teacher.
9/26-10/24 T 7:30- 8:30 pm $65
Hey now. This sounds like it might be good. My mom, for no apparent reason, bought me a guitar several years ago for X-Mas. I had never asked for one, never expressed any interest in learning to play, but she thought I would like it. Since then, it has basically sat in a corner of my room and collected dust. I tried to tune it once, and broke one of the strings. LOL. Me = total guitar dummy. Heh. Oh, and I do have small hands. :) I like the part where is says "logical step by step process" because I think I could learn well that way. I'm all about the logic. $65 for 4 hours worth of lessons doesn't seem unreasonable. The "Age 14+" worries me slightly. I don't really want to be in a class with a bunch of 14 year olds, but I think people my age would take this class, too. Maybe. Cute 20-something guys like to play the guitar, right? ;) Sooooo. I think I'm going to sign up for this class. I can always cancel if I decide I'm too chicken shit. *grin*
What do you think?
(I'm predicting 100% of you tell me to go for it. Except for maybe a few smart-asses who will say the opposite now that I've written that sentence. *evil eyes*)
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Even more drunk postings...
If you find drunk honesty to be too much, or irritating, then I suggest you turn away now. LOL.
These thoughts have been rattling around in my head for quite awhile now, but right now is the only time I feel like actually sharing them. 'Cause who can be embarrassed when they are shitfaced, I ask you? *snort*
I am trying my best to hold the typos to a minimum, but please forgive me if this is absolutely unreadable.
Ok, so. When you think about your dream job, what is it?
*waits for pondering*
For me? it is to be an actress. I haven't told many people that, because I think it is silly. (I know people have blogged about a dream job before. Notice I have never commented, because I am too embarrassed.) A horribly fat actress? *snort* Dream on, Jen! But I honestly think I would be good at it. I think one of my best traits is the fact that I can often put myself in the position of others. I can usually see both, or all, sides to a story. I can imagine what it would be to feel what they are feeling. I think I might be able to portray that as an actress. If only...
If only I wasn't so ugly.
If only I wasn't so fat.
If only I wasn't so shy.
If only I had more self confidence.
If only I didn't live in Strongsville, Ohio! LOL.
Once upon a time, in high school, I thought I would try to pursue my dream. I was going to try out for a school play! But alas, once it came time for auditions, I was too nervous, and I ended up settling for a job on the props crew. *sigh* That is the only time that I have ever even considered pursuing my dream.
What has brought about this self-evaluation and honesty, you ask? LMAO. Well, I have to say that it is all due to my most recent reality tv crush, Benji Schwimmer, winner of So You Think You Can Dance. *snort* If you've watched the show, you might understand my hilarious reaction. Benji is a total dork, a total geek, and a total Mormon! LOL! I, as an agnostic/atheist, would never have imagined myself as a supporter and fangirl of a Mormon, but so it is. Benji made (makes) me happy. He makes me smile. I wish I could lead the kind of life that he does and follow my dream.
One thing that has really stuck out to me (and the main inspiration for this post), is in an interview when Benji was asked if the girl of his dreams had to be able to know how to dance. He said "No. As long as she has a passion."
*sigh* It was at that moment that I realized I really have no passion in life. I would *love* to be an actress, but know that is terribly unrealistic. No matter how hard I diet and try to be beautiful and skinny, I would never make it in Hollywood. I *love* to sing, but know that my voice is probably not good enough to make a career out of it. The only thing I could truly think of that I was passionate about was gay rights. But, Ha! What have I really done to show my support and passion for gay rights? Nothing. *sigh*
I feel like such a loser. A failure with nothing that means something.
Anyhow, if you've read this far, thank you! I know it is not an intersting subject to anyone but me. So I thank you all for being my friends. *smooches* all around.
/drunk posting
Don't be surprised if this is deleted tomorrow. Heh. I was feeling the need to post something personal. and it was between this and my masturbation habits. *snort* (No masturbation posts are forthcoming as of right now, fyi.)
These thoughts have been rattling around in my head for quite awhile now, but right now is the only time I feel like actually sharing them. 'Cause who can be embarrassed when they are shitfaced, I ask you? *snort*
I am trying my best to hold the typos to a minimum, but please forgive me if this is absolutely unreadable.
Ok, so. When you think about your dream job, what is it?
*waits for pondering*
For me? it is to be an actress. I haven't told many people that, because I think it is silly. (I know people have blogged about a dream job before. Notice I have never commented, because I am too embarrassed.) A horribly fat actress? *snort* Dream on, Jen! But I honestly think I would be good at it. I think one of my best traits is the fact that I can often put myself in the position of others. I can usually see both, or all, sides to a story. I can imagine what it would be to feel what they are feeling. I think I might be able to portray that as an actress. If only...
If only I wasn't so ugly.
If only I wasn't so fat.
If only I wasn't so shy.
If only I had more self confidence.
If only I didn't live in Strongsville, Ohio! LOL.
Once upon a time, in high school, I thought I would try to pursue my dream. I was going to try out for a school play! But alas, once it came time for auditions, I was too nervous, and I ended up settling for a job on the props crew. *sigh* That is the only time that I have ever even considered pursuing my dream.
What has brought about this self-evaluation and honesty, you ask? LMAO. Well, I have to say that it is all due to my most recent reality tv crush, Benji Schwimmer, winner of So You Think You Can Dance. *snort* If you've watched the show, you might understand my hilarious reaction. Benji is a total dork, a total geek, and a total Mormon! LOL! I, as an agnostic/atheist, would never have imagined myself as a supporter and fangirl of a Mormon, but so it is. Benji made (makes) me happy. He makes me smile. I wish I could lead the kind of life that he does and follow my dream.
One thing that has really stuck out to me (and the main inspiration for this post), is in an interview when Benji was asked if the girl of his dreams had to be able to know how to dance. He said "No. As long as she has a passion."
*sigh* It was at that moment that I realized I really have no passion in life. I would *love* to be an actress, but know that is terribly unrealistic. No matter how hard I diet and try to be beautiful and skinny, I would never make it in Hollywood. I *love* to sing, but know that my voice is probably not good enough to make a career out of it. The only thing I could truly think of that I was passionate about was gay rights. But, Ha! What have I really done to show my support and passion for gay rights? Nothing. *sigh*
I feel like such a loser. A failure with nothing that means something.
Anyhow, if you've read this far, thank you! I know it is not an intersting subject to anyone but me. So I thank you all for being my friends. *smooches* all around.
/drunk posting
Don't be surprised if this is deleted tomorrow. Heh. I was feeling the need to post something personal. and it was between this and my masturbation habits. *snort* (No masturbation posts are forthcoming as of right now, fyi.)
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Good mood
I am in a really good mood today, which is a drastic change from the mood I was in yesterday. I hope it lasts. :)
How's your mood today?
How's your mood today?
Friday, August 11, 2006
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Yay! Mmmm! Yay!
My sister just called me to let me know that they have put a Rita's up by her. Woooo! I'm bummed that it's not really convenient for me, but it's better than nothing. And it's probably better that it's not right by me, or else I'd want one all the time. LOL.
Note to self: Make plans to visit sister more. *grin*
Note to self: Make plans to visit sister more. *grin*
Monday, August 07, 2006
311 concert
was awesome! We had so much fun. I went over to Tracy's house and we had a drink before we went. Her boyfriend drove us because we were planning on a big night of drinking. :) We went for dinner at the Hard Rock beforehand. It was very crowded, and there was a screaming baby 2 tables over. But the food was alright and it wasn't as expensive as I thought it would be. My mom's BF had given us this "All Access" card that moves you to the front of the line if there is a wait for a table. At first the wait was going to be 45 minutes, but then I showed the girl the card and she was like "OH! You're all access! Hey Tina! Do we have a table for 2 All Access?!" It was funny how excited about it she was, and what a fuss was made because of this card. We only ended up waiting like 10 minutes. Yay! So all night if we had to wait in a line, we were like "Don't these people know who we are? We're All Access." *snort*
After dinner, we took a shuttle bus to the concert venue. There were 4 really super drunk guys on the shuttle with us. They were so loud and obnoxious, we felt sorry for the driver. The one guy kept asking me if I wanted to hug him for a dollar. I never did figure out if I had to pay the dollar, or if he would pay me a dollar to hug him. Heh. I suspected that I was supposed to pay, which is why I kept saying "Um. No thanks. I'm good." *rolls eyes* Stupid drunk people. *snort*
We didn't really pay any attention to the opening bands. I had never really heard of either of them before. They were both reggae bands. I guess one of them was Bob Marley's old band. I recognized a couple of those songs. We were just kind of hanging out in the back, sitting on a bench and drinking and talking. When 311 came on, we made our way up into the crowd. Tracy and I have been 311 fans for a long time. We've been to every concert they've played in Cleveland, and once we even followed them around Ohio. First a concert in Cincinnati, then one in Columbus, then finished up in Cleveland. That was such fun. The past few concerts of theirs that we've gone to, we thought would probably be our last. Just because we've seen them soooo many times, and it kind of gets boring after awhile. But then we go to the concert, and we have a kick ass time, and the next time they roll around, we always end up going again. Heh. I think it was like the 3rd song in, Tracy turned to me and said "This won't be our last time." LOL.
311 puts on a great show. For those that don't know who they are, they are kind of a mix of rock, rap, and a bit of reggae thrown in. Very high energy. I danced my ass off, and I'm still sore today. Heh. We were drinking and having a blast, and time just flew by. Before we knew it, the concert was over. :( I said "Well, they're going to do an encore." and Tracy said "Um. They just did the encore." LMAO. I called my mom because she was picking us up. Good thing, because we were shitfaced. *grin* We sat on a bench while waiting for her and had a great talk. A talk like we haven't had in years and years. Although Tracy and I have been friends for 10 years, we aren't really close anymore. We had a fight like 5 years ago, and we didn't speak for 2 years after that. Ever since then, we just have a more casual friendship. But on Saturday, we really talked. About our insecurities, about her relationship, and even her sex life, which is something we'd never talked about before. We both knew it was only because we were drunk that we were being so open, but that was ok. I don't know if we'll ever have a talk like that again. I don't know if it will bring us close again, like we used to be. I don't know if it will change our friendship. If it doesn't, that's ok. At least it happened, and I'm glad it did. :)
After dinner, we took a shuttle bus to the concert venue. There were 4 really super drunk guys on the shuttle with us. They were so loud and obnoxious, we felt sorry for the driver. The one guy kept asking me if I wanted to hug him for a dollar. I never did figure out if I had to pay the dollar, or if he would pay me a dollar to hug him. Heh. I suspected that I was supposed to pay, which is why I kept saying "Um. No thanks. I'm good." *rolls eyes* Stupid drunk people. *snort*
We didn't really pay any attention to the opening bands. I had never really heard of either of them before. They were both reggae bands. I guess one of them was Bob Marley's old band. I recognized a couple of those songs. We were just kind of hanging out in the back, sitting on a bench and drinking and talking. When 311 came on, we made our way up into the crowd. Tracy and I have been 311 fans for a long time. We've been to every concert they've played in Cleveland, and once we even followed them around Ohio. First a concert in Cincinnati, then one in Columbus, then finished up in Cleveland. That was such fun. The past few concerts of theirs that we've gone to, we thought would probably be our last. Just because we've seen them soooo many times, and it kind of gets boring after awhile. But then we go to the concert, and we have a kick ass time, and the next time they roll around, we always end up going again. Heh. I think it was like the 3rd song in, Tracy turned to me and said "This won't be our last time." LOL.
311 puts on a great show. For those that don't know who they are, they are kind of a mix of rock, rap, and a bit of reggae thrown in. Very high energy. I danced my ass off, and I'm still sore today. Heh. We were drinking and having a blast, and time just flew by. Before we knew it, the concert was over. :( I said "Well, they're going to do an encore." and Tracy said "Um. They just did the encore." LMAO. I called my mom because she was picking us up. Good thing, because we were shitfaced. *grin* We sat on a bench while waiting for her and had a great talk. A talk like we haven't had in years and years. Although Tracy and I have been friends for 10 years, we aren't really close anymore. We had a fight like 5 years ago, and we didn't speak for 2 years after that. Ever since then, we just have a more casual friendship. But on Saturday, we really talked. About our insecurities, about her relationship, and even her sex life, which is something we'd never talked about before. We both knew it was only because we were drunk that we were being so open, but that was ok. I don't know if we'll ever have a talk like that again. I don't know if it will bring us close again, like we used to be. I don't know if it will change our friendship. If it doesn't, that's ok. At least it happened, and I'm glad it did. :)
Monday, July 31, 2006
Yay for memes!
They give you a reason to update when you have nothing to say. :D
What curse word do you use the most?
All of them. Heh. I guess I probably use the F word the most.
Do you own an I Pod?
Nope.
What time is your alarm clock set for?
7:20am
What color is your room?
Paint wise? White. Such is the joy of apartment living.
Flip flops or sneakers?
I prefer sneakers, but these days I'm mostly wearing flip-flops. Sneakers and capris is a fashion statement I'm not willing to make.
Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
Take it.
What was the last movie you watched?
I watched Secret Window on tv yesterday.
Do any of your friends have children?
Several of my online friends do, and my sister does.
Morning bird or night owl?
Night owl.
Do you ever take medication to help you sleep better?
Yes. Usually at least twice a week. Just OTC stuff, or melatonin.
What CD is currently in your CD player?
At home and work: various 311 cds (going to a concert this weekend)
In car: I think Coldplay.
I listen to my Sirius more than my cds these days.
What kind of milk do you drink?
I don't drink milk. But I use skim on my cereal.
Who was the last person to call you on the phone?
My mom, pretty much the only person who ever calls me.
Are you nosey?
I can be.
Are you shy around the opposite sex?
I'm shy around most people, regardless of gender.
Do you own any band tshirts?
A couple. I think they're all 311 shirts. I never wear them.
What is your favorite salad dressing?
Ranch.
Do you cry a lot?
Yes.
Who was the last person to text you a message?
T-Mobile telling me what the new Caller Tune is for July.
Desk top or lap top?
Desktop, but thinking of buying a laptop.
Do you have any tatoos or unique peircings?
Yes. A tattoo around my ankle, and a sort of unique piercing in my ear.
Would you ever date someone with tatoos?
Yes.
Is sex before marriage wrong?
Not in my opinion.
When was the last time you slept on the floor?
Hmm. Probably the last time I slept over my friend Tracy's house. This was back when she still lived with her parents, so maybe like 6 years ago?
How old will you be at your next birthday?
26 *sigh*
Do you like cottage cheese?
I use it in lasagna, but don't eat it other than that. I guess I like it ok.
What will be your next big purchase?
Possibly the laptop. If not that, I have to lease a new car in February.
Last wicked fun thing you did?
My trip to San Francisco. :)
What curse word do you use the most?
All of them. Heh. I guess I probably use the F word the most.
Do you own an I Pod?
Nope.
What time is your alarm clock set for?
7:20am
What color is your room?
Paint wise? White. Such is the joy of apartment living.
Flip flops or sneakers?
I prefer sneakers, but these days I'm mostly wearing flip-flops. Sneakers and capris is a fashion statement I'm not willing to make.
Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
Take it.
What was the last movie you watched?
I watched Secret Window on tv yesterday.
Do any of your friends have children?
Several of my online friends do, and my sister does.
Morning bird or night owl?
Night owl.
Do you ever take medication to help you sleep better?
Yes. Usually at least twice a week. Just OTC stuff, or melatonin.
What CD is currently in your CD player?
At home and work: various 311 cds (going to a concert this weekend)
In car: I think Coldplay.
I listen to my Sirius more than my cds these days.
What kind of milk do you drink?
I don't drink milk. But I use skim on my cereal.
Who was the last person to call you on the phone?
My mom, pretty much the only person who ever calls me.
Are you nosey?
I can be.
Are you shy around the opposite sex?
I'm shy around most people, regardless of gender.
Do you own any band tshirts?
A couple. I think they're all 311 shirts. I never wear them.
What is your favorite salad dressing?
Ranch.
Do you cry a lot?
Yes.
Who was the last person to text you a message?
T-Mobile telling me what the new Caller Tune is for July.
Desk top or lap top?
Desktop, but thinking of buying a laptop.
Do you have any tatoos or unique peircings?
Yes. A tattoo around my ankle, and a sort of unique piercing in my ear.
Would you ever date someone with tatoos?
Yes.
Is sex before marriage wrong?
Not in my opinion.
When was the last time you slept on the floor?
Hmm. Probably the last time I slept over my friend Tracy's house. This was back when she still lived with her parents, so maybe like 6 years ago?
How old will you be at your next birthday?
26 *sigh*
Do you like cottage cheese?
I use it in lasagna, but don't eat it other than that. I guess I like it ok.
What will be your next big purchase?
Possibly the laptop. If not that, I have to lease a new car in February.
Last wicked fun thing you did?
My trip to San Francisco. :)
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Drunk emailing
You know, drunk emailing can be great. When you are drunk, your inhibitions are lowered and you feel free to say things that you normally wouldn't. Tonight was that way for me. I am not normally an overly mushy person. I like my sarcasm. I like to keep my distance, while at the same time hoping that the people I love know that I love them. Tonight, I laid it all out for certain people to read. I let them know what I was really thinking and feeling. It felt good. The people that I've emailed tonight are my best friends, and I knew I could say anything to them, and they would read it, and understand. To those that I emailed tonight, I thank you. I thank you for being the type of friend that I felt I could share my deepest thoughts with. I thank you for letting me be so open, much more open than I am with my own family. I may not always say it (when I'm sober. LOL.) but you guys provide me with such comfort and acceptance. I love you. I don't know where I'd be without you. *hugs*
*cracks open another beer* Who else wants an email? *grin*
*cracks open another beer* Who else wants an email? *grin*
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Supply lovin' dork
We got new phones in the office today. I am so excited about them. I get to program all the quick-dial numbers and make up a little excel template for the directory. They're so nice and new. And they have silver on them! (Duh. I picked them out. Like I wouldn't get a phone with silver accents.) Oh! And I got stackable trays for my desk. Now that pile of paper that I always have on the corner of my desk has a home. *dorkily basks in new office supply glow* Sometimes I miss working at Staples. :D
In other news, I'm getting, hm, what's the word? Fed up? Discouraged? Yes, I guess discouraged best describes how I'm feeling about my diet. I think I'm doing really good with my food choices, but I'm not seeing the results I want. I keep gaining and losing the same 5 pounds. Today I have lost 9 pounds, but who knows what the scale will tell me tomorrow. *sigh* But I will press on. I have to do this.
Not smoking is pretty much a breeze. I think about cigarettes every once in awhile, but I've never gotten an urge to go and buy a pack. I have had very few cravings. I think the fact that I only smoked for like 2 years instead of 20 is making it easier for me than most people.
I was feeling really down yesterday (mostly because of the diet thing) and so I cheered myself up by watching videos of Benji from So You Think You Can Dance. I love that freaking show. He is just so adorable. He makes me smile. :)
In other news, I'm getting, hm, what's the word? Fed up? Discouraged? Yes, I guess discouraged best describes how I'm feeling about my diet. I think I'm doing really good with my food choices, but I'm not seeing the results I want. I keep gaining and losing the same 5 pounds. Today I have lost 9 pounds, but who knows what the scale will tell me tomorrow. *sigh* But I will press on. I have to do this.
Not smoking is pretty much a breeze. I think about cigarettes every once in awhile, but I've never gotten an urge to go and buy a pack. I have had very few cravings. I think the fact that I only smoked for like 2 years instead of 20 is making it easier for me than most people.
I was feeling really down yesterday (mostly because of the diet thing) and so I cheered myself up by watching videos of Benji from So You Think You Can Dance. I love that freaking show. He is just so adorable. He makes me smile. :)
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Hesitantly hopeful
I am not a hopeful person. It seems like every time I get really excited about something or hopeful about anything, it always falls through. It doesn't work out and it's a huge letdown. So, I try and keep myself from hoping. That way, it's not such a letdown when something doesn't work out, and if it does happen to work out, it's a nice surprise instead of something I was expecting. But sometimes I can't help myself. The hope gets through, and it scares me, because with hope comes the fear of the letdown. Right now? I am hopeful. I've made a couple changes in my life over the past 2 weeks, and I'm really hoping that they work out. I wasn't even going to mention these things because I didn't want to congratulate myself and then end up failing. Again. But right now I am feeling proud of myself, so I'm going to go ahead and pat myself on the back (*pats self on back*) and I'm going to hope. I'm going to hope that this time things will be different. This time I will stick with it.
Oh. I suppose you might be wondering wtf these things are that I'm rambling about. Heh.
1. I quit smoking. 12 days so far. And you know what? it hasn't been that bad. I really think I can keep this up.
2. I've changed my eating habits. I don't want to call it a diet, because diets don't work. If it's going to work, I'm going to have to change. It's probably going to take me over a year to lose all the weight I want to, maybe longer, and I don't want to be on a diet for over a year. I just need to change my eating habits. I'm eating breakfast now, I eat a salad for lunch, and a healthier dinner. I allow myself a free day on Fridays because I don't want to deprive myself. That's what gets me in trouble-- feeling like I will never have my favorite foods again. So I'm not going to worry about that. I will still have my favorite foods, just not every day. So, yeah. I've lost 8 pounds. *big smile* And yes, I've dieted before. Yes, I've lost weight before, and it always comes back. But this feels different for some reason. I feel like I can do this. Oh, I hope I can do this. I have to do this, because I cannot stand to be this fat, ugly person anymore. I hate this person. I don't want to be this person anymore. It's got to work. It's got to work. It's got to work. It's got to work.
*waits for letdown*
Oh. I suppose you might be wondering wtf these things are that I'm rambling about. Heh.
1. I quit smoking. 12 days so far. And you know what? it hasn't been that bad. I really think I can keep this up.
2. I've changed my eating habits. I don't want to call it a diet, because diets don't work. If it's going to work, I'm going to have to change. It's probably going to take me over a year to lose all the weight I want to, maybe longer, and I don't want to be on a diet for over a year. I just need to change my eating habits. I'm eating breakfast now, I eat a salad for lunch, and a healthier dinner. I allow myself a free day on Fridays because I don't want to deprive myself. That's what gets me in trouble-- feeling like I will never have my favorite foods again. So I'm not going to worry about that. I will still have my favorite foods, just not every day. So, yeah. I've lost 8 pounds. *big smile* And yes, I've dieted before. Yes, I've lost weight before, and it always comes back. But this feels different for some reason. I feel like I can do this. Oh, I hope I can do this. I have to do this, because I cannot stand to be this fat, ugly person anymore. I hate this person. I don't want to be this person anymore. It's got to work. It's got to work. It's got to work. It's got to work.
*waits for letdown*
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
I left my heart in San Francisco
The final chapter is done. Enjoy!
Oh boy. Where do I begin? Well, my trip started on Thursday evening when I drove to Glow’s house in Pittsburgh. The weather on the way over was horrible! It was storming very badly here in Cleveland, raining buckets with thunder and lightning. It didn’t seem like it was going to let up, so I decided to get on the road at about 5pm so that I wouldn’t have to drive in the dark. The first hour of my drive was pretty scary. Everyone was pretty much doing 40mph on the highway. Water was covering the roadway at several points, and I think I hydroplaned once. But once I got into Pennsylvania it cleared up and the rest of the drive was fine.
Once at Glow’s, we just hung out and watched some tv and a really freaky movie (The Hills Have Eyes. WTF?!) and ate gelatis from Rita’s. Mmmm. I had watermelon. It was so delicious. *drool* I have no idea what time we went to bed. Maybe 1-ish? We woke up at 7am, got ready and drove to the airport. Thank goodness that my mom had decided to look up pictures of the planes we were taking a few days before, because if I had walked onto that tiny ass 32 seat plane without knowing it was that small, I’m quite sure I would’ve freaked out. At least I was prepared, and it was only a 90 minute flight. Our flight attendant was a bitch. Other than that, the flight was uneventful. We had a stop in Milwaukee and had to change planes. This plane was normal size. Phew. This flight was our longest of all, at 4.5 hours. I rented a personal dvd player thingy and watched some music videos and an episode of Family Guy. Then Glow plugged her headphones into the dvd too, and we started watching The Ringer (a movie with Johnny Knoxville). About halfway through the movie they announced that they would be collecting the dvd players so we didn’t get to finish watching it then. I figured we could just rent another one on the way home and finish it then. No big deal.
Then we were in San Francisco. Yay! We called Carey so that she could come pick us up, and we hung outside waiting for her and smoking a cigarette. She and Michelle drove up and we hugged before tossing our luggage in the car and starting our adventures. First up was a tour of the area where Carey grew up. We drove by her parent’s house (they weren’t home. Or so she told us. I think she just didn’t want them to meet us. *grin* We did see the guy who mows their lawn though. Glow waved at him. I think he ignored her. LOL.) Then we drove to the mall so that I could go to the Bare Minerals store. We don’t have those in Ohio, I have to buy my stuff off QVC. I bought some foundation and mineral veil, a blush (poppy), and an eyeshadow (bordeaux). While I was deciding on what colors I wanted, everyone else went to get a drink and a pretzel. Mmmm! That pretzel was gooo-ood. We don’t have Wetzel’s Preztels here. Man! No Rita’s, no BM stores, no Wetzel’s. Ohio sucks!!
After the mall, we went to Carey and Michelle’s house and got the tour. I really like their house. There’s so much cool stuff to look at, and it’s just a very relaxing place to be. We got our pictures taken in “the chair” and then we freshened up and headed out to dinner at The Stinking Rose where we would be meeting MM. I guess it was supposed to be a surprise that she was coming, but Carey spilled it. *whacks Carey* We took the first of many rides on BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) and then walked what felt like 10 miles to the restaurant. Now, I’m sure most of you have seen the pics of me. It’s an understatement to say that I’m not exactly in shape. LOL. Plus, my legs are about 3 inches shorter than everyone else’s, so I was taking 2 steps for every one of theirs. Gah! I thought I was going to die. I really didn’t know if I was going to be able to keep on walking, but I did and we finally arrived at the restaurant. We went to the bar and ordered some drinks while we waited for MM to arrive. I kept watch on the door because no one else was sure that they would recognize her. I knew I would because I’ve spent countless hours staring at her pictures. *dreamy sigh* *giggle* She walked in and I recognized her right away. She is just beautiful. Truly gorgeous. We all gave her big hugs and then sat down at our table. I really have no idea what everyone talked about. That Long Island Iced Tea was strong! Heh. It was all a jumble of laughter, drinking, smooching (I was MM’s first girl kiss! Woohoo! *swoon*), and more laughter.
After we finished our meal, we weren’t ready to part ways just yet, so we went in search of a bar to have another drink. On our way there, we passed a sex shop, and of course we couldn’t resist going in. LOL. Glow gave me advice on which vibrator I should get (I didn’t get one), Carey fingered latex stuff, apparently so did Glow, and some random guy who was in the store wanted to get in on the fingering too. LOL.
and MM blushed. She’s so cute. :D We found a bar to hang out in, where more laughter and drinking took place. Before I knew it, it was time for MM to go. *pout* I didn’t want her to leave. It felt like we had only been hanging out for like 10 minutes. I love MM, she is so sweet and cute, and I hope I can meet her again very soon. I gave her 2 big hugs, and then she was off. *sniff* After that we caught a cab (Yay for cabs! My blistered feet thank you!) back to the BART station, and then went back to Carey’s house. We smoked, drank and giggled until about 3am, a full 24 hours after Glow and I had gotten up. Heh. Was this the night of the floating chair? I can’t remember. Despite what anyone says, I still maintain that Carey’s side of the room was on an incline and her chair was floating. LMAO.
---------------------------------------------------------------
On we go to Saturday. We woke up and drove down to the Wharf district for some sightseeing. After we parked, we decided to see if we could get on one of the cruise ships that were docked at the pier. Luckily the first one we went to had a cruise that was leaving in about 15 minutes, so we bought our tickets and waited to board the Harbor Princess. :)
It was very windy and chilly aboard the ship, and of course I hadn’t thought to bring my jacket. Duh. But it was actually nice. I like chilly weather, it’s better than being too hot, IMO. It was also very foggy. I couldn’t even see the Golden Gate Bridge until we were almost right under it. Heh.
The cruise was very cool and I enjoyed it muchly. It had beautiful views of the SF skyline, and lots of neat little landmarks that I knew nothing about.
After that we walked along the pier and peeked into a few shops. We were looking for a restaurant that no longer exists. *rolls eyes at Carey* *grin* So then we decided to go to Johnny Rockets for lunch. It was so good. I had a root beer float, which I haven’t had in forever. Yummy. After stuffing ourselves we walked along the street and went into some souvenir shops. I bought a couple of shot glasses, a few keychains, a magnet and a pin. I don’t know what I was thinking, because I didn’t buy anything special for my nephew, and I didn’t buy any t-shirts, which I am pissed about now. I had a total brain fart. I just wasn’t thinking. *rolls eyes at self* Oh, and along all these walks we saw a bunch of cool street performers, like the silver men that Glow posted a pic of, and drum players and palm readers (Carey is afraid of them).
We had planned on taking a ride on the cable cars next, but it was getting late and we needed to go back to their house to get ready for Michelle’s cousin’s birthday party. So we headed home, but on the way I saw a sign for Lombard Street and I made Carey go there. Ok, I didn’t make her, she offered and I said yes because I really wanted to see it. In case you don’t know, Lombard Street is the crookedest street in the world. It winds down a hill, so of course in order to go down the hill, you have to go up the hill. A very steep hill. *giggle* Glow was flipping out. There was a line of cars waiting on the hill, so we were stopped a lot of the time. She hated it when we would start to move and the car would roll backwards a little bit. I admit that I don’t like doing that either, but I wasn’t concerned. I figure Carey is used to driving on hills and stuff. Oh, speaking of Carey driving: SHE’S A FUCKING MANIAC! *grin* But so is everyone else driving there, so she fits right in. After going down Lombard (which isn’t as long as I thought it would be) we started the drive home. Kind of. *snort* Carey was driving around the city and she kept missing the entrance to the highway, so we’d just keep driving. We got a nice tour of the city that way. Michelle was getting pissed, but Carey claims she knew exactly where she was going. LMAO.
We finally got back to the house, freshened up, and we were off again to visit with Michelle’s family. They were all very nice people and they made Glow and me feel welcome. We drank some yummy rum punch-like stuff and hung out for a couple hours. We sang Happy Birthday to several different people. I had no idea who I was singing to, but I sang anyway. :) Carey got out on the dance floor. *giggle*
After 45 minutes of goodbyes (LOL) and the infamous meat theft (we stole buns and silverware too) we were off yet again, this time to meet MTW for some drinks. Yay! MTW is such a sweet guy. A brave guy, too- to meet up with 4 insane chicks that he met online. LOL. And he gave us candy! Yummy sour candy, which I am still enjoying. I think he commented that he remembered I had once mentioned that I like sour candy. I got nervous and skeered that he was stalking me *giggle* but really I think he’s just super attentive and considerate. We talked and laughed and drank (seems to be the theme of the weekend) and after way too short of a time, we said our goodbyes. :( That is my one regret about the weekend—that although we met lots of peeps (3 more coming up tomorrow!) it seems like we hardly spent any time with them. The weekend just flew by! *sniff*
One more stop on our Saturday itinerary The Pink Party!! This is just a huge street party in the Castro.
We came up from the underground BART station and there were just people everywhere! People as far as the eye could see, just hanging out in the streets and partying. It was awesome. Everyone was so friendly, just chatting with us and being cool. We met Carey’s brother and a couple of his friends. Carey’s brother is a cutie!
As is his friend, um, Jim? The guy on crutches, I think that was his name. He was very cute. Too bad he’s gay. LOL. Carey’s brother was super drunk. How do I know? He kept saying “I’m sooooo drunk!” LMAO. I’ve been known to do that from time to time also. *giggle* Oh, and he also tried to hit on a mannequin. Ha! And when he was introducing Glow to his friends he kept calling her Bo. *snort* So she just told him to make it easy on himself and call her Ho. Heh. We went into a bar and got some super-size cosmos. I think they were probably 32oz. cups. LOL. People kept coming up to us and asking us where we got them. I was going to make a sign that said “Want this drink? Go to the bar with the go-go dancers in front and go upstairs!” As Glow mentioned, the building we were standing in front of had porn being projected onto it. That was fun to watch. *grin* I had a great time there, just people watching and talking to nice strangers. Everyone was so friendly. I wish we could’ve stayed longer, but we had to go so we could catch the last BART train. *pout*
Note the size of those cups! (and I'm not talking about bra cups, sickos)
And so home again we went, and we, of course, drank and laughed and talked (and smoked. *waves to Nookie*).
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Alright, on to Sunday. Time for Pride! Yay! We woke up really early and got ready to head out. 2 of Carey & Michelle’s friends were coming with us, so when they showed up (late) we all said quick hellos and we were off. Once we were on the BART train, I got to talk to Cathy and Letty a bit more. I wasn’t sure about Letty at first. She is one of those people who makes comments totally deadpan, and you’re not really sure if she’s joking. But then the gum incident happened. *snort* Letty was offering everyone gum and we asked what flavor it was. She said “I don’t know. It’s NEW!” So Michelle took some, popped it in her mouth and said “Um. Bubblegum is a new flavor?” Turns out that Letty didn’t even look at what she was buying, she just saw NEW! and grabbed it, not realizing that the only thing NEW! was the packaging, not the flavor. LMAO. We laughed at her about that for a good long time (like all day). After that, I felt much more relaxed around her and knew she was someone I could joke with. Cathy at first was pretty quiet, but let me tell you, by the end of the day (and the end of the booze) she was a wild woman! She was so funny. Every once in awhile, she’d just look over at me and go “JEN! WOOO!” and I’d laugh at her and give her a “WOOO!” back. :) I liked meeting them, and seeing who Carey and Michelle hang out with IRL. It gave me a chance to really see them in their lives, you know? Very cool.
We found a spot to watch the parade that was very close to the action. Only 1 row of people standing in front of us. Once we’d found our spot, we let Ginger know our coordinates and waited for her to come join us. And then there she was! I was sorta nervous about meeting Ginger just because she’s a bit intimidating. She’s so smart and clever, I didn’t want to seem like a total dork around her. LOL. But I shouldn’t have worried. She’s a totally cool woman and I never felt stupid around her. Well, not any more stupid than I feel around anyone else at least. Heh. She also has very soft boobs. They were pressing into my back during the parade. *giggle*
Finally it was time for the parade to start. We could hear the roar of the Dykes on Bikes, who kick things off, in the distance. At this point I started to get a little emotional. I had been looking forward to this day for so long, and here it was. I couldn’t believe I was really standing on a street in San Francisco with my “internet” friends (I don’t really think of them as internet friends. Just regular friends, but it does add to the wonder of it a little) and getting ready to watch the Pride parade. It was overwhelming and I got a little misty eyed. But then I told myself to stop being a crybaby dork and dry it up. LOL.
We stood and watched the parade for about 90 minutes. We saw lots of interesting people and some very touching moments. From the Dykes on Bikes (women on motorcycles) to the Mikes on Bikes (men on bicycles *snort*) to the SF Cheerleaders to the clog dancers. Grand Marshalls, men on stilts, party boys dancing on a float, drag queens, the balloon people (so cool!), it just goes on.
By far the most touching scene was all of the little kids walking proudly with their gay parents. This is when I full on started crying. I was so happy that I got to be a part of that experience. Seeing all the little kids, big kids, babies, etc. all with signs and smiling and waving to the crowd, it was just beautiful. I was crying so much that I didn’t even get any pictures. Heh. But I still remember my favorite signs. One said “LOVE makes a family” and another said “Live and Let LOVE”. That’s what this celebration was all about. People just wanting to be able to love who they love, without shame or fear or disgrace. One day… I hope.
After watching the parade for awhile, we decided to start walking over to the (Civic Center? City Hall? I’m not sure what that building was. I think it was City Hall.) where we would camp out for the rest of the day. We plopped down and Carey got the beverages flowing. Yum! It was pretty hot and very sunny. The top of my scalp had gotten fried the day before on the boat cruise, so I was glad that I had borrowed a hat from Carey or else I think my scalp would have turned into one giant sun blister. Ew.
We just hung out on the grass there, our asses got completely soaked from the wet ground, and had drinks, people watched, and chatted. Ginger bought some butterfly wings that everyone tried on and had their pic taken. Heh. It was so cute to see Ginger sitting there in her wings, with just a contented little smile on her face. :)
A little while later, Catt showed up. Yay! I think she greeted us with “Whaddup bitches!” Ha! She also had her friend Jayne with her. (her name is not really Jayne, btw, which threw me for a loop. LOL.)
Um. I wish I could say something about Catt, but honestly, I think by this point I was pretty drunk and I don’t even remember if I talked to her! LOL. I mean, I know I did, but I don’t remember what we talked about. I know I stole some of her soft pretzel. Oh, and of course I remember the prairie skirt incident that you all have heard about. *grin* But I don't need to remember talking to Catt to know that she is a sweet and funny girl. I knew that already. :)
I think it was around 6:30 that we decided to pack up and leave. Which was perfect timing because my bladder was about to burst and I do not do porta-potties. I went to Woodstock ’99 for 4 days and only went to the bathroom twice. *shudder* We walked to the BART station (thankfully a very short walk. if it had been longer, I would’ve peed my pants.) and there we had to say our goodbyes to Catt and “Jayne”. :( As is the theme of the weekend, I was sad to see them go because I felt like we didn’t get to spend very much time together. *pout* The rest of us (oh. heh. Ginger had left earlier in the day, right after Catt arrived.) went back to the house to hang out. I jumped in the shower immediately because I felt hella-gross from sweating and sitting on the wet ground all day. Then we ordered pizza. Mmmm. Pizza. It was very, very good. Cathy and Letty left a short time later, and we all just kinda sat around. We were all exhausted and I ended up falling asleep in Carey’s recliner at around 10:30. At 11, Michelle rounded us up and we went to bed. Our last night in SF. *sniff*
Monday was just a day of packing up and saying goodbyes. I didn’t like Monday. *kicks Monday* Carey and Michelle drove us to the airport *sniff* and we said our goodbyes. *sniff* Lots of hugs, kisses, “I love yous”, “thank yous” and of course, tears from me. I didn’t want to leave at all. The time had gone way too fast and I didn’t know when or if I would ever see Carey and Michelle again. :( I want to thank them both again for showing us such a wonderful time, inviting us into their home and just generally being awesome people. I love you guys!
The trip home was kind of stressful. First of all because we had to wait in this long line to get our boarding passes (we had printed them on the computer for the trip there. much easier!) and even though we had arrived in plenty of time, we were nervous about making the plane. But then the line started moving, and we had our boarding passes and our baggage checked in plenty of time. We even had time for a cigarette, but of course we were in silly California where smoking is forbidden. *rolls eyes* More stress came when our plane was late taking off, and so by the time we landed we only had 10 minutes to make our connecting flight! Ack!! We rush off the plane, out into the terminal. We find our gate, it’s behind glass. We can’t find a door to get in. The clock is ticking. We discover that when we exited the plane, we should not have gone through the door into the terminal (I’m probably not using correct airport terminology, but you get my point) but that if we just would’ve turned right instead of going straight, we would’ve been at our gate. So now, we have to go through security, again! Ack! 2 minutes left! Double ack! But, our flight had been delayed, so we were fine. :) When we finally boarded, we found ourselves upon the best plane ever. It was super nice, with extra wide and cushy seats and plenty of leg room with foot rests! Plus, Glow finally got to sit by the window, so we were happy all around. We decided we would only fly on that type of plane from then on. Um. Except I don’t remember what type of plane it was. A Boeing #some number#.
We landed in Pittsburgh around 10pm, an hour later than expected. *yawn* I was ready to say goodbye to airports forever! We picked up our baggage and trekked to the car. When we were leaving, Glow says “Hm. I’m not sure where my phone is. It’s probably in my purse.” I waved goodbye to Pittsburgh International Airport, hoping to never see it again. Total jinx. *sigh* We drive about an hour to her house, and only then do we think to actually look for her cell phone, instead of just assuming it’s in her purse. Surprise, surprise, it’s not there. I use my cell phone to call hers, and we hear nothing. Not in the purse, not in the backseat, not in the trunk. It’s lost. Gah! We went and picked up some McDonald’s and drove to her house while deciding what to do. Call the airport? Hope that someone found it and turned it into lost and found? Or go back to the airport tonight and try to find it? After some thought, we decided that she probably dropped it in the parking lot and it would be best if we went back and looked for it. I think it was probably midnight by this time. Back we go to the airport, back through the parking lot. I had remembered exactly where we were parked, so I called her phone again. And we heard it! Whatever weird song she has programmed for me started chiming up from under the car we were standing next to. And there was the phone, under the car, in a puddle. How lucky that we found it, and it had no damage from being wet, and hadn’t been run over. Yay! And so once again, we left the airport. I didn’t wave goodbye this time. Didn’t want to jinx again. LOL. We got back home for good around 2am, 4 hours after we had landed. *snort* Can you say tired?
The next morning I woke up, showered, and got my stuff packed up. After hanging around for awhile and eating enormous egg sammiches (yummy!) it was time for me to make my way home. What an experience it had been! One I will remember and treasure forever.
*big hugs* to everyone who was a part of the journey. You all made it so special and I’m glad I got to meet all the people I did, even for the short amount of time we had. I hope to meet each and every one of you again. And thanks to everyone who read this. I hope to meet you all someday, too. :)
*group smooch*
Oh boy. Where do I begin? Well, my trip started on Thursday evening when I drove to Glow’s house in Pittsburgh. The weather on the way over was horrible! It was storming very badly here in Cleveland, raining buckets with thunder and lightning. It didn’t seem like it was going to let up, so I decided to get on the road at about 5pm so that I wouldn’t have to drive in the dark. The first hour of my drive was pretty scary. Everyone was pretty much doing 40mph on the highway. Water was covering the roadway at several points, and I think I hydroplaned once. But once I got into Pennsylvania it cleared up and the rest of the drive was fine.
Once at Glow’s, we just hung out and watched some tv and a really freaky movie (The Hills Have Eyes. WTF?!) and ate gelatis from Rita’s. Mmmm. I had watermelon. It was so delicious. *drool* I have no idea what time we went to bed. Maybe 1-ish? We woke up at 7am, got ready and drove to the airport. Thank goodness that my mom had decided to look up pictures of the planes we were taking a few days before, because if I had walked onto that tiny ass 32 seat plane without knowing it was that small, I’m quite sure I would’ve freaked out. At least I was prepared, and it was only a 90 minute flight. Our flight attendant was a bitch. Other than that, the flight was uneventful. We had a stop in Milwaukee and had to change planes. This plane was normal size. Phew. This flight was our longest of all, at 4.5 hours. I rented a personal dvd player thingy and watched some music videos and an episode of Family Guy. Then Glow plugged her headphones into the dvd too, and we started watching The Ringer (a movie with Johnny Knoxville). About halfway through the movie they announced that they would be collecting the dvd players so we didn’t get to finish watching it then. I figured we could just rent another one on the way home and finish it then. No big deal.
Then we were in San Francisco. Yay! We called Carey so that she could come pick us up, and we hung outside waiting for her and smoking a cigarette. She and Michelle drove up and we hugged before tossing our luggage in the car and starting our adventures. First up was a tour of the area where Carey grew up. We drove by her parent’s house (they weren’t home. Or so she told us. I think she just didn’t want them to meet us. *grin* We did see the guy who mows their lawn though. Glow waved at him. I think he ignored her. LOL.) Then we drove to the mall so that I could go to the Bare Minerals store. We don’t have those in Ohio, I have to buy my stuff off QVC. I bought some foundation and mineral veil, a blush (poppy), and an eyeshadow (bordeaux). While I was deciding on what colors I wanted, everyone else went to get a drink and a pretzel. Mmmm! That pretzel was gooo-ood. We don’t have Wetzel’s Preztels here. Man! No Rita’s, no BM stores, no Wetzel’s. Ohio sucks!!
After the mall, we went to Carey and Michelle’s house and got the tour. I really like their house. There’s so much cool stuff to look at, and it’s just a very relaxing place to be. We got our pictures taken in “the chair” and then we freshened up and headed out to dinner at The Stinking Rose where we would be meeting MM. I guess it was supposed to be a surprise that she was coming, but Carey spilled it. *whacks Carey* We took the first of many rides on BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) and then walked what felt like 10 miles to the restaurant. Now, I’m sure most of you have seen the pics of me. It’s an understatement to say that I’m not exactly in shape. LOL. Plus, my legs are about 3 inches shorter than everyone else’s, so I was taking 2 steps for every one of theirs. Gah! I thought I was going to die. I really didn’t know if I was going to be able to keep on walking, but I did and we finally arrived at the restaurant. We went to the bar and ordered some drinks while we waited for MM to arrive. I kept watch on the door because no one else was sure that they would recognize her. I knew I would because I’ve spent countless hours staring at her pictures. *dreamy sigh* *giggle* She walked in and I recognized her right away. She is just beautiful. Truly gorgeous. We all gave her big hugs and then sat down at our table. I really have no idea what everyone talked about. That Long Island Iced Tea was strong! Heh. It was all a jumble of laughter, drinking, smooching (I was MM’s first girl kiss! Woohoo! *swoon*), and more laughter.
After we finished our meal, we weren’t ready to part ways just yet, so we went in search of a bar to have another drink. On our way there, we passed a sex shop, and of course we couldn’t resist going in. LOL. Glow gave me advice on which vibrator I should get (I didn’t get one), Carey fingered latex stuff, apparently so did Glow, and some random guy who was in the store wanted to get in on the fingering too. LOL.
and MM blushed. She’s so cute. :D We found a bar to hang out in, where more laughter and drinking took place. Before I knew it, it was time for MM to go. *pout* I didn’t want her to leave. It felt like we had only been hanging out for like 10 minutes. I love MM, she is so sweet and cute, and I hope I can meet her again very soon. I gave her 2 big hugs, and then she was off. *sniff* After that we caught a cab (Yay for cabs! My blistered feet thank you!) back to the BART station, and then went back to Carey’s house. We smoked, drank and giggled until about 3am, a full 24 hours after Glow and I had gotten up. Heh. Was this the night of the floating chair? I can’t remember. Despite what anyone says, I still maintain that Carey’s side of the room was on an incline and her chair was floating. LMAO.
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On we go to Saturday. We woke up and drove down to the Wharf district for some sightseeing. After we parked, we decided to see if we could get on one of the cruise ships that were docked at the pier. Luckily the first one we went to had a cruise that was leaving in about 15 minutes, so we bought our tickets and waited to board the Harbor Princess. :)
It was very windy and chilly aboard the ship, and of course I hadn’t thought to bring my jacket. Duh. But it was actually nice. I like chilly weather, it’s better than being too hot, IMO. It was also very foggy. I couldn’t even see the Golden Gate Bridge until we were almost right under it. Heh.
The cruise was very cool and I enjoyed it muchly. It had beautiful views of the SF skyline, and lots of neat little landmarks that I knew nothing about.
After that we walked along the pier and peeked into a few shops. We were looking for a restaurant that no longer exists. *rolls eyes at Carey* *grin* So then we decided to go to Johnny Rockets for lunch. It was so good. I had a root beer float, which I haven’t had in forever. Yummy. After stuffing ourselves we walked along the street and went into some souvenir shops. I bought a couple of shot glasses, a few keychains, a magnet and a pin. I don’t know what I was thinking, because I didn’t buy anything special for my nephew, and I didn’t buy any t-shirts, which I am pissed about now. I had a total brain fart. I just wasn’t thinking. *rolls eyes at self* Oh, and along all these walks we saw a bunch of cool street performers, like the silver men that Glow posted a pic of, and drum players and palm readers (Carey is afraid of them).
We had planned on taking a ride on the cable cars next, but it was getting late and we needed to go back to their house to get ready for Michelle’s cousin’s birthday party. So we headed home, but on the way I saw a sign for Lombard Street and I made Carey go there. Ok, I didn’t make her, she offered and I said yes because I really wanted to see it. In case you don’t know, Lombard Street is the crookedest street in the world. It winds down a hill, so of course in order to go down the hill, you have to go up the hill. A very steep hill. *giggle* Glow was flipping out. There was a line of cars waiting on the hill, so we were stopped a lot of the time. She hated it when we would start to move and the car would roll backwards a little bit. I admit that I don’t like doing that either, but I wasn’t concerned. I figure Carey is used to driving on hills and stuff. Oh, speaking of Carey driving: SHE’S A FUCKING MANIAC! *grin* But so is everyone else driving there, so she fits right in. After going down Lombard (which isn’t as long as I thought it would be) we started the drive home. Kind of. *snort* Carey was driving around the city and she kept missing the entrance to the highway, so we’d just keep driving. We got a nice tour of the city that way. Michelle was getting pissed, but Carey claims she knew exactly where she was going. LMAO.
We finally got back to the house, freshened up, and we were off again to visit with Michelle’s family. They were all very nice people and they made Glow and me feel welcome. We drank some yummy rum punch-like stuff and hung out for a couple hours. We sang Happy Birthday to several different people. I had no idea who I was singing to, but I sang anyway. :) Carey got out on the dance floor. *giggle*
After 45 minutes of goodbyes (LOL) and the infamous meat theft (we stole buns and silverware too) we were off yet again, this time to meet MTW for some drinks. Yay! MTW is such a sweet guy. A brave guy, too- to meet up with 4 insane chicks that he met online. LOL. And he gave us candy! Yummy sour candy, which I am still enjoying. I think he commented that he remembered I had once mentioned that I like sour candy. I got nervous and skeered that he was stalking me *giggle* but really I think he’s just super attentive and considerate. We talked and laughed and drank (seems to be the theme of the weekend) and after way too short of a time, we said our goodbyes. :( That is my one regret about the weekend—that although we met lots of peeps (3 more coming up tomorrow!) it seems like we hardly spent any time with them. The weekend just flew by! *sniff*
One more stop on our Saturday itinerary The Pink Party!! This is just a huge street party in the Castro.
We came up from the underground BART station and there were just people everywhere! People as far as the eye could see, just hanging out in the streets and partying. It was awesome. Everyone was so friendly, just chatting with us and being cool. We met Carey’s brother and a couple of his friends. Carey’s brother is a cutie!
As is his friend, um, Jim? The guy on crutches, I think that was his name. He was very cute. Too bad he’s gay. LOL. Carey’s brother was super drunk. How do I know? He kept saying “I’m sooooo drunk!” LMAO. I’ve been known to do that from time to time also. *giggle* Oh, and he also tried to hit on a mannequin. Ha! And when he was introducing Glow to his friends he kept calling her Bo. *snort* So she just told him to make it easy on himself and call her Ho. Heh. We went into a bar and got some super-size cosmos. I think they were probably 32oz. cups. LOL. People kept coming up to us and asking us where we got them. I was going to make a sign that said “Want this drink? Go to the bar with the go-go dancers in front and go upstairs!” As Glow mentioned, the building we were standing in front of had porn being projected onto it. That was fun to watch. *grin* I had a great time there, just people watching and talking to nice strangers. Everyone was so friendly. I wish we could’ve stayed longer, but we had to go so we could catch the last BART train. *pout*
Note the size of those cups! (and I'm not talking about bra cups, sickos)And so home again we went, and we, of course, drank and laughed and talked (and smoked. *waves to Nookie*).
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Alright, on to Sunday. Time for Pride! Yay! We woke up really early and got ready to head out. 2 of Carey & Michelle’s friends were coming with us, so when they showed up (late) we all said quick hellos and we were off. Once we were on the BART train, I got to talk to Cathy and Letty a bit more. I wasn’t sure about Letty at first. She is one of those people who makes comments totally deadpan, and you’re not really sure if she’s joking. But then the gum incident happened. *snort* Letty was offering everyone gum and we asked what flavor it was. She said “I don’t know. It’s NEW!” So Michelle took some, popped it in her mouth and said “Um. Bubblegum is a new flavor?” Turns out that Letty didn’t even look at what she was buying, she just saw NEW! and grabbed it, not realizing that the only thing NEW! was the packaging, not the flavor. LMAO. We laughed at her about that for a good long time (like all day). After that, I felt much more relaxed around her and knew she was someone I could joke with. Cathy at first was pretty quiet, but let me tell you, by the end of the day (and the end of the booze) she was a wild woman! She was so funny. Every once in awhile, she’d just look over at me and go “JEN! WOOO!” and I’d laugh at her and give her a “WOOO!” back. :) I liked meeting them, and seeing who Carey and Michelle hang out with IRL. It gave me a chance to really see them in their lives, you know? Very cool.
We found a spot to watch the parade that was very close to the action. Only 1 row of people standing in front of us. Once we’d found our spot, we let Ginger know our coordinates and waited for her to come join us. And then there she was! I was sorta nervous about meeting Ginger just because she’s a bit intimidating. She’s so smart and clever, I didn’t want to seem like a total dork around her. LOL. But I shouldn’t have worried. She’s a totally cool woman and I never felt stupid around her. Well, not any more stupid than I feel around anyone else at least. Heh. She also has very soft boobs. They were pressing into my back during the parade. *giggle*
Finally it was time for the parade to start. We could hear the roar of the Dykes on Bikes, who kick things off, in the distance. At this point I started to get a little emotional. I had been looking forward to this day for so long, and here it was. I couldn’t believe I was really standing on a street in San Francisco with my “internet” friends (I don’t really think of them as internet friends. Just regular friends, but it does add to the wonder of it a little) and getting ready to watch the Pride parade. It was overwhelming and I got a little misty eyed. But then I told myself to stop being a crybaby dork and dry it up. LOL.
We stood and watched the parade for about 90 minutes. We saw lots of interesting people and some very touching moments. From the Dykes on Bikes (women on motorcycles) to the Mikes on Bikes (men on bicycles *snort*) to the SF Cheerleaders to the clog dancers. Grand Marshalls, men on stilts, party boys dancing on a float, drag queens, the balloon people (so cool!), it just goes on.
By far the most touching scene was all of the little kids walking proudly with their gay parents. This is when I full on started crying. I was so happy that I got to be a part of that experience. Seeing all the little kids, big kids, babies, etc. all with signs and smiling and waving to the crowd, it was just beautiful. I was crying so much that I didn’t even get any pictures. Heh. But I still remember my favorite signs. One said “LOVE makes a family” and another said “Live and Let LOVE”. That’s what this celebration was all about. People just wanting to be able to love who they love, without shame or fear or disgrace. One day… I hope.
After watching the parade for awhile, we decided to start walking over to the (Civic Center? City Hall? I’m not sure what that building was. I think it was City Hall.) where we would camp out for the rest of the day. We plopped down and Carey got the beverages flowing. Yum! It was pretty hot and very sunny. The top of my scalp had gotten fried the day before on the boat cruise, so I was glad that I had borrowed a hat from Carey or else I think my scalp would have turned into one giant sun blister. Ew.
We just hung out on the grass there, our asses got completely soaked from the wet ground, and had drinks, people watched, and chatted. Ginger bought some butterfly wings that everyone tried on and had their pic taken. Heh. It was so cute to see Ginger sitting there in her wings, with just a contented little smile on her face. :)
A little while later, Catt showed up. Yay! I think she greeted us with “Whaddup bitches!” Ha! She also had her friend Jayne with her. (her name is not really Jayne, btw, which threw me for a loop. LOL.)
Um. I wish I could say something about Catt, but honestly, I think by this point I was pretty drunk and I don’t even remember if I talked to her! LOL. I mean, I know I did, but I don’t remember what we talked about. I know I stole some of her soft pretzel. Oh, and of course I remember the prairie skirt incident that you all have heard about. *grin* But I don't need to remember talking to Catt to know that she is a sweet and funny girl. I knew that already. :)
I think it was around 6:30 that we decided to pack up and leave. Which was perfect timing because my bladder was about to burst and I do not do porta-potties. I went to Woodstock ’99 for 4 days and only went to the bathroom twice. *shudder* We walked to the BART station (thankfully a very short walk. if it had been longer, I would’ve peed my pants.) and there we had to say our goodbyes to Catt and “Jayne”. :( As is the theme of the weekend, I was sad to see them go because I felt like we didn’t get to spend very much time together. *pout* The rest of us (oh. heh. Ginger had left earlier in the day, right after Catt arrived.) went back to the house to hang out. I jumped in the shower immediately because I felt hella-gross from sweating and sitting on the wet ground all day. Then we ordered pizza. Mmmm. Pizza. It was very, very good. Cathy and Letty left a short time later, and we all just kinda sat around. We were all exhausted and I ended up falling asleep in Carey’s recliner at around 10:30. At 11, Michelle rounded us up and we went to bed. Our last night in SF. *sniff*
Monday was just a day of packing up and saying goodbyes. I didn’t like Monday. *kicks Monday* Carey and Michelle drove us to the airport *sniff* and we said our goodbyes. *sniff* Lots of hugs, kisses, “I love yous”, “thank yous” and of course, tears from me. I didn’t want to leave at all. The time had gone way too fast and I didn’t know when or if I would ever see Carey and Michelle again. :( I want to thank them both again for showing us such a wonderful time, inviting us into their home and just generally being awesome people. I love you guys!
The trip home was kind of stressful. First of all because we had to wait in this long line to get our boarding passes (we had printed them on the computer for the trip there. much easier!) and even though we had arrived in plenty of time, we were nervous about making the plane. But then the line started moving, and we had our boarding passes and our baggage checked in plenty of time. We even had time for a cigarette, but of course we were in silly California where smoking is forbidden. *rolls eyes* More stress came when our plane was late taking off, and so by the time we landed we only had 10 minutes to make our connecting flight! Ack!! We rush off the plane, out into the terminal. We find our gate, it’s behind glass. We can’t find a door to get in. The clock is ticking. We discover that when we exited the plane, we should not have gone through the door into the terminal (I’m probably not using correct airport terminology, but you get my point) but that if we just would’ve turned right instead of going straight, we would’ve been at our gate. So now, we have to go through security, again! Ack! 2 minutes left! Double ack! But, our flight had been delayed, so we were fine. :) When we finally boarded, we found ourselves upon the best plane ever. It was super nice, with extra wide and cushy seats and plenty of leg room with foot rests! Plus, Glow finally got to sit by the window, so we were happy all around. We decided we would only fly on that type of plane from then on. Um. Except I don’t remember what type of plane it was. A Boeing #some number#.
We landed in Pittsburgh around 10pm, an hour later than expected. *yawn* I was ready to say goodbye to airports forever! We picked up our baggage and trekked to the car. When we were leaving, Glow says “Hm. I’m not sure where my phone is. It’s probably in my purse.” I waved goodbye to Pittsburgh International Airport, hoping to never see it again. Total jinx. *sigh* We drive about an hour to her house, and only then do we think to actually look for her cell phone, instead of just assuming it’s in her purse. Surprise, surprise, it’s not there. I use my cell phone to call hers, and we hear nothing. Not in the purse, not in the backseat, not in the trunk. It’s lost. Gah! We went and picked up some McDonald’s and drove to her house while deciding what to do. Call the airport? Hope that someone found it and turned it into lost and found? Or go back to the airport tonight and try to find it? After some thought, we decided that she probably dropped it in the parking lot and it would be best if we went back and looked for it. I think it was probably midnight by this time. Back we go to the airport, back through the parking lot. I had remembered exactly where we were parked, so I called her phone again. And we heard it! Whatever weird song she has programmed for me started chiming up from under the car we were standing next to. And there was the phone, under the car, in a puddle. How lucky that we found it, and it had no damage from being wet, and hadn’t been run over. Yay! And so once again, we left the airport. I didn’t wave goodbye this time. Didn’t want to jinx again. LOL. We got back home for good around 2am, 4 hours after we had landed. *snort* Can you say tired?
The next morning I woke up, showered, and got my stuff packed up. After hanging around for awhile and eating enormous egg sammiches (yummy!) it was time for me to make my way home. What an experience it had been! One I will remember and treasure forever.
*big hugs* to everyone who was a part of the journey. You all made it so special and I’m glad I got to meet all the people I did, even for the short amount of time we had. I hope to meet each and every one of you again. And thanks to everyone who read this. I hope to meet you all someday, too. :)
*group smooch*
Friday, July 07, 2006
Handwriting Meme
I know I'm supposed to be working on the rest of my SF trip post (is anyone really that interested? Glow and I are writing pretty much the same thing) but Survey had this on her blog and I really wanted to do it because I think looking at other people's handwriting is fascinating. So everyone has to do this. Mmmk?
Get a piece of paper and write this sentence on it: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. This sentence contains all the letters in the alphabet. Sign it, and then take a picture or scan it and post it in your blog. It's that simple.
My writing is pretty childish, but I kinda like it. I cannot write in cursive. Well, I can, but it looks stupid. So I always print everything.
It's a little blurry, but you get the idea. Oh, and this was written on a regular white piece of paper, but when I edited it to crop it, the enhance feature gave me this purty background. Neat, huh? :)
Get a piece of paper and write this sentence on it: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. This sentence contains all the letters in the alphabet. Sign it, and then take a picture or scan it and post it in your blog. It's that simple.
My writing is pretty childish, but I kinda like it. I cannot write in cursive. Well, I can, but it looks stupid. So I always print everything.
It's a little blurry, but you get the idea. Oh, and this was written on a regular white piece of paper, but when I edited it to crop it, the enhance feature gave me this purty background. Neat, huh? :)
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