I'm assuming it's the medicine. I don't know. I feel like these days I'm blaming every little odd thing that's wrong with me on the medicine. But hey, it's messing with my brain, right? It's supposed to. Supposed to make my brain happier. Or some shit. I don't know.
The other medicines made me numb. I didn't feel happy, but I didn't feel sad either. This one is totally different. I can go from sad to mad to happy in .02 seconds flat. And the emotions are so intense!
I cry at everything. I've always been a crier. I'm an emotional person. But it had been a long long time since I cried like I have these past 2 weeks. Horrible, gut wrenching sobs. Tears that take over my whole body and all I want to do is make them stop, but I can't.
And the anger. I'm not used to the anger. Last weekend I got so mad that I actually started throwing things and pounding on the walls. That is not me. I don't do stuff like that. Ever.
But the happiness. Ah, the happiness. Sometimes I feel happy. And good. And I think that maybe things are finally turning around for me. Sometimes I think the medicine is starting to work.
But it never lasts. The sadness always comes back.
I'm so sick of it all. I'm so tired. I want it to be over.
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6 comments:
{{{hugs}}}
I'm sorry Jen. That's sucky.
*sigh* *hugs*
*hugs*
I'm sorry. I have been there.
That sucks, Jen. Sorry.
Emotion-altering medications just scare me.
Maybe the swings are just your body adjusting to the medicine. I know that it can take a few weeks with some of them for your body to adjust and in the meantime, you can go through some weird emotions.
Hang in there, hopefully it will even out and you'll have lots and lots of happy.
*ditto frodis*
I love you, shithead. *sa mooch*
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