Tonight I was looking for a meme that I had done a long time ago, but I got sidetracked by reading a bunch of my old archives. They made me sad. (sadder.) I used to blog about much more fun/lighthearted stuff... not about how depressed I am. Reading some of my archives was like reading the writings of a totally different person. I guess I hid my depression better back in the day. Or I'm just really at a low point now. This medicine is not helping . Yet. I know it takes a while for it to take full effect, but for the most part on a daily basis it is making me feel worse. I've missed 3 days of work since I stared this medicine 10 days ago. I just couldn't get out of bed. I sit in a numb, lifeless state and am so exhausted that I can barely move.
Ugh. Fuck! There I go again, rambling about my depression. I hate being like this.
I thank all of you who have continued reading and supporting me through this dark period of my life. I hope I can be a happier and more interesting person in the future. I know that it can be tiring to read such doom and gloom over and over again. Believe me, it's tiring for me to write it, but I feel like it's better to get it off my chest rather than hold it all inside like I've done for most of my life. This blog is my outlet. In here, I write what I don't say out loud. I never dreamed when I made it public that I would share so much personal stuff, but I have become comfortable enough with all of you to share what I am truly feeling. I think sometimes it would be better if I just pretended to be happy. *shrug*
Anyway, I want to wish you all Happy Holidays, in case I'm not around. I love you all!
*hugs*
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If I could do it all again, I'd go back and change everything. If you gave me back those years, I'd do it all better, I swear.
13 comments:
For starters, I would happen to miss you very much if you were not around. But, having said that, do what you need to do, ok?
Also, there is a difference between being "down" and being a "downer". You are not a downer. You offer us your wit and love and support, on a daily basis. What more could we ask for? (well, besides more happiniess for *you*)
*besa*
I love you, Jen. Please take good care of yourself.
This is your blog. It is your outlet. And I think if you visit all of the blogs (and I think you do) you will see that none of us are always up. We all have our downs and I think it's great that you feel comfortable enough to open up here and share.
*smooch*
i love you.
I agree that I'd miss you if you weren't around. I don't dislike reading your feelings. I value those feelings and are happy you have this outlet to share them.
Don't be afraid to re-visit the doc for a new prescription, mmmkay?
We can't all be perky and bubbly like Carey :-)
*HUGS* Happy Holidays to you Jen!
Hang in there. Sometimes it just takes a little time for meds to work. But remember, if it continues for too long, go back to the doc!
I know it takes time for the meds to kick in, but this just doesn't sound good to me. Of course, there could be other issues that are making you so exhausted. When was the last time you had any lab tests run on your blood?
Like Carey said, this is your blog. Use it in whatever manner works for you. You're not here to provide our entertainment. We're here because we care about you, and like to know how you are. I would rather read "doom and gloom", and know how you really are feeling, as opposed to you saying things you don't really feel, just so we can feel better.
As for reading the archives, I've gone back on the archives for my private blog, and you know, it's a wonder Carey puts up with me. Lord, some of those entries read like they were written by a 13yr old girl, not a supposed grown woman.
*smooch* Take care of yourself, and if you need anything, let us know.
I must put up with you Arkie because inside, I am a 13 year old boy. *grin*
Carey, are you saying your 13yr old inner boy likes my 13yr old inner girl? *wink*
Oh Jen you are not a downer. In fact you are quite funny.
I am sorry you feel this way. I hope you continue to use something as an outlet.
*licks Jen's cheeek*
*hug* Hang in there and talk to your doc if the meds aren't working.
Happy Holidays. *smooch*
I think so. *pulls Arkie's hair*
*sa mooooooch*
You know he feels them because they burn and they are scarring his shoulders.
One of the best sentences I've ever written (if I do say so myself).
And I didn't even read your blog yesterday.
Glowie <--- physic (NOT psycho *squinty eyes*)
Oh, Jen! Big {{{hugs}}} ...and ditto all the things those smart peeps above me said. *points up*
Have a happy holiday! *smooches*
See, where else can you go and get licked on the cheeks?
*smooch* I hope you have a great holiday!
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