Well, today I was in a semi-good mood, so I thought I would play a little bit. I emailed with Glow and Carey like usual. I played quite a bit on the boards. That was all good. Then, I did what I shouldn't have. I visited blogs. And one of them upset me. Crying and driving don't mix well, fyi. I'm not going to say whose blog or what upset me, because I don't want that person to feel bad. And it wasn't even about what they were saying. It was just about me feeling jealous and wallowing in self-pity. *sigh* I think I'll go back into hiding now. At least from blogs. They don't make me feel good, and I don't need that right now.
Since I'm updating anyhow...
Today I visited a dermatologist for the first time. I've long suspected that I have rosacea and today's visit confirmed that. Rosacea is a chronic reddening of the face, for those who don't know. I got a prescription for some gel that is supposed to help. I hope it does.
I'm giving up on the on-line dating. I've already deleted one of my ads (the one I don't pay for) and I will be deleting the other one as soon as the month I've paid for is up. I have gotten a few replies, and some of them even seem like they might not be completely insane, but even if I might possibly be interested in the guy, I can't think of anything to say to them. My mind is a blank. So, they email me, I read them, and then I just don't do anything further. It's a waste of money and time and hope. I'm just not in the right frame of mind to start up new relationships, I guess. Do you believe that you have to love yourself before you can give love to someone else and have them love you? Well, I don't love myself at all. Not even close. I hate myself, so how can I expect someone else to love me? God, why can't I just accept the fact that I'm going to be alone forever? That would take so much pressure off of me. But I can't accept it. It's too terrifying and lonely and sad. Just like me. *sigh*
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7 comments:
Awww, hun...I just wanna hug you...
but if you go away again who is gonna finish telling me and MM about glows ass?
{{{{hugs}}}}
I can accept you going away from blogs. I can accept you going away from OT. I can not and will not accept you going away from me. I need you. *sigh*
As far as the dating and loving yourself, I don't know what to say to you. You just can't try to hard. It has to come naturally. And it will, when the time is right. *smooch*
I love you
*sigh* I love you. I don't want you to go away. It makes me want to cry.
And what is this about my ass?
And, FTR, I posted my blog entry before I saw this.
*pout*
Tara- I can't adequately describe it anyway. You really must see it in person. *grin*
Carebear- I'm not going away from you. Probably couldn't if I tried, and same for Glowie.
Oh, and when is the time going to be right? I really feel like I've waited long enough. *sigh*
Glowie- It's a good thing that you posted that other thing first, sweets. It makes it more special. Thank you. *smooch*
I know it's hard and tiring to wait. I know this doesn't help, but you are still young. There is so much time ahead of you. It's gonna hit you when you least expect it and it will make it that much more special. It will come baby. *hugs*
*hugs*
I wish I had the words that could help you feel better, but since I don't, just know I care about you, and I think you are wonderful. *smooch*
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