I have a nephew who I love more than anything in the world. He saved me, even though I didn't want to be saved. I used to think of suicide every day, but as soon as I looked into his face for the first time, I vowed that I would never attempt it again. I couldn't imagine not being around to see him grow up. I couldn't imagine him not knowing me.The thoughts still haunt me... not every day, but they're there.
I have wonderful friends who provide me with laughter and love every day. I am so happy that they have come into my life. They make me feel special and like I matter to someone.
I have battled with my weight my whole life. My impending stint as a bridesmaid in my sister's wedding has forced me to finally do something about it. I have lost 16 pounds so far, yet I don't feel any sense of accomplishment whatsoever.
I worry about money on a constant basis. I recently started working full-time and also got a very nice raise. In a couple months, after I save up some money, my worries will be greatly reduced.
Why aren't all of these things enough? Enough to make me happy... enough to give me hope for the future... enough to make me want to live?
Will it ever be enough? Will I ever be happy? Will I ever have hope for the future? Will I ever want to live?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
*smooch*
Jen sweetie, I hate that you feel this way. Nothing I can say will change how you feel about yourself but I'm gonna say a couple of things anyhow.
You of all people know how suicide affects those left behind. I am glad that you have found a reason to not attempt that again. Keep Tate in your mind.
You are special and you do matter to people. You have brought me great joy and you have been one of my great wonderful surprises in the past year. I have grown to need you in my life.
Unfortunately weight is an ongoing battle. Just keep up the good work. Like I told you, eventually, you are going to feel a sense of accomplishment. You will.
We all stress about money, sweetie. It's what we do. Don't feel alone. At least you see the silver lining.
It may be cliche, but you are still young. You have an entire life ahead of you. Nobody can answer the question for you of whether or not you will be happy. You have to find that within yourself. Seek out the things that make you happy and make you want to live. If you haven't found those things yet, keep searching. If you have just one thing right now that you can focus on, continue to focus on that until another thing comes along.
I will always be here for you to help as best I can. Whether it is a shoulder to lean on, an ear to just listen to you or whatever you need of me. I'm here.
I love you
Post a Comment