9 Days

9 days of not smoking. Most of the time I don't even crave it. When I saw Brokeback, I started wanting one because they smoke a lot in that movie. But a lot of the time, I just wonder why I was so hell bent on quitting in the first place. I guess just because I was doing it too much. I was smoking about a half a pack a day. But I could go a few days without having one. So why did I quit? *shrug* Beats me. I wish I had done a blog entry explaining my reasons, because right now I can't remember. And I know that this is probably just the addiction talking and I'm looking for a reason to start back up again. I dunno. The only other thing I've ever tried to give up is fast food, but I always knew why I was doing that. I wasn't worried about my health with smoking, because let's face it, I don't give a fuck about my health or myself. I didn't like spending the money, that's for sure, but I don't think that was a major reason. I didn't like that it made me and my apartment stinky. Is that why I quit? Because I smelled? That doesn't seem right either. I guess it was just because smoking is something you're not supposed to do.

The whole smoking thing is just a mystery to me, I guess. 'Cause when I was smoking I didn't know why I was doing it. It didn't taste good, it didn't make me feel any different. Like, if I was stressed and had a cigarette, I did not feel less stressed.

So, I don't know why I started smoking in the first place, I don't know why I kept doing it, and now I don't know why I quit. Maybe I quit because I didn't know why I was smoking. *rolls eyes* Confused much?